Ancalimë
by MelanyeBaggins
Summary: The story of the Elf maid who fell in love with a Hobbit against all odds. Part two of three, but can be read as a stand alone. Rated for violence.
1. Prologue

Introduction: It seems that even though FF.net says you can use HTML tags, they don't work. After much ado, If figured out a way to have italics. Thanks to charmedobsessi12 who told me about the problem with formatting, 'cause I never would have noticed ;) 

This story is part two of the Tale of Melanye. If you have not read it, I suggest you do, it makes for a better story, but you can start with this one too. It would be like reading the Silmarillian before LOTR. I had paused during writing Melanye because I wanted to wait for the release of ROTK before I wrote about it, and I didn't want to be idle while I waited. I was asked several times about Melanye's mother, and so it seemed logical to explain it this way. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer, yadda yadda…Ancalime, Melanye, Lindir, Tyssa, Hallath, Ganya, all mine. Everything else not. There, I said it.

K, Story.

***

Prologue

In the beginning there was a little place in the middle of all the interesting parts of the world called Rivendell. We called it 'home'. Since Rivendell was in such a good spot filled with everything anyone could want, it was a prime target for Orcs who love to take and destroy everything anyone could want. I should know.

I heard a story about a long long time ago in a land that no longer exists about things and people a lot worse than Orcs. And they did a lot more than take stuff. So in a way, I suppose I'm sort of lucky. Rivendell is a refuge for some of the elves who had lived in that other land of lore, led by the famous Elrond HalfElven. They had learned well from where they had come from and so guarded their new realm jealously. And so it was that my mother picked up her bow.

But I wasn't there, you see, I was born much later. 

Dearest Mélanyë, I left this story for you in the hopes that you might understand. It has been a long time since your mother took the ship to Valinor, and she is now far away, but there were some things about her that we all felt should remain hidden from you. I wrote this history not only to keep a record of these events, but also that you would be able to read them when you were ready to hear it.

I will love you always,  
Lindir. 


	2. Elen Sila Lumenn

Chapter One: _Elen síla lúmenn_

In those days, in the quiet of the world, Imladris was a paradise. It still is, I suppose, but the power of the Eldar has somewhat diminished since then. Everything at that time glowed with an ethereal life and all things were beautiful beyond their measure. It was, however, the closing of our Autumn, when the Eldar began to feel the first bite of frost. 

Ancalimë had a beauty all her own. Her eyes were as bright as green fire, and her hair, which was raven black, completely contrasted her fair skin. She was a Noldor, descended from a noble family. We met patrolling the borders of Mirkwood, my home and were friends ever since. We trained together, fought together, and we told each other everything. She had a kind spirit and was ever the explorer, wanting to know everything there was to know about anything, from the tiniest creatures in the forest, to the stars of Elbereth. 

Her story, like yours Mélanyë, began in the Western Woods of the Shire. Cali (as we called her), and I were part of a group sent by the Dúnedan to help protect the halflings. The Rangers had received word from Mithrandir that they may be a target for Orcs and other fell creatures. 

We were ordered not to show ourselves to them since the halflings knew almost nothing of matters outside their realm, and Mithrandir wished to preserve that. Only one in recent years had done so, he said, and had visited Rivendell. Of course, none of his kin had believed his tales of elves and dragons. There was no need for us to confirm them. 

We were there for several weeks. Since the hobbits sometimes liked to go into the forest by day, we would conceal ourselves deep in the woods. During those hours we would sometimes visit with Círdan's people by the shore, while still keeping an eye out for trouble. At night the hobbits were too afraid to go into the forest's dark eaves and so we could go to its very edge and observe them. This was Cali's favorite time.

She was enchanted with everything about them. They were unlike anything any of us had seen, but to her they held an almost magical fascination. By the time we got to look, most of them were of course in their homes, but there were always a few who would stay out and gaze at the stars, or dance or sing. She told me once that those hobbits must have elvish blood to gaze so lovingly at the works of Varda. She would watch them in awe until every last one of them had gone home to their beds. 

There was one evening in particular when all of the little people had gone to their homes much earlier than usual. Of course Cali was disappointed, but she knew that she'd be able to watch for them again the following night. We were walking back to our camp when I stopped short. Through the trees, we heard a small distressed voice. 

"It's one of them!" she whispered, grabbing my shoulder in her excitement. I shook my head and sighed. Already I knew what she was thinking.   
"We can't let him see us, Cali, remember our orders!" She didn't listen to me though, looking through the woods and trying to see who was there. I knew there was nothing I could do. All she ever wanted was to meet one of them, and not me or anyone else could stop her. Before I knew it she had crept through the woods to find the hobbit. All I could do was follow her.

When I found her again she was peering into a small clearing a few metres from where we had been. She saw me behind her and motioned for me to join her. I knew it was a bad idea, but there was no changing her mind about it.

Shafts of moon and starlight filtered through the trees and illuminated the fine mist that now covered the ground around the hobbit. He was taller than I expected, about three quarters our height, and had thick curly brown hair and feet that seemed too large for him. I wondered to myself how he could walk without tripping. 

"He's adorable!" Cali whispered quietly beside me. We watched as the little man looked down at a piece of paper in his hands, presumably a map, and then to the trees around him. He did this several times until he had turned in a complete circle and had scratched his head so many times I thought his hair would fall out. 

"He looks lost," I whispered back, and Cali turned to me with a smile. I sighed and looked into those green depths of hers. "No."  
"But he's all alone!"  
"And what do you plan to do? Bring him back to his home? Who knows how many of them we'll meet on the way, not to mention that he will have seen us..." We didn't know it, but as we were talking the little man had heard us through the woods and wandered over to us. 

"Uhm, Excuse me..." he began. Suddenly, as we came into the light and he saw us fully for the first time, he cast himself shaking to the ground and covered his face. I thought it the perfect opportunity to get away - the hobbit would think us merely a dream or vision - but before I knew it, Cali had knelt in front of him and was trying to calm him. 

"There is nothing to fear. We won't hurt you," she said, placing a hand on his head. Every instinct in me said to grab Cali and disappear into the woods, but for some reason I can't explain, possibly it was the will of Iluvatar, I helped her instead.

"Cali," I whispered, "I don't think he speaks Elvish!" She thought about it, and then repeated her words in the tongue of the Edain. The little man looked up.

She later described to me what happened in that moment. She told me that she looked into his eyes. She had never seen brown eyes before, and the way the moonlight hit them they seemed to be so many colors at once: amber, mahogany, gold, copper. She was captivated by them at once and I watched as they stared at each other for several minutes, not moving. He seemed as enchanted with her as she was with him. She had told me that this was the moment when she had fallen in love with him, although she didn't know it at the time. She felt as if she had been struck down by it, and pierced through her heart with it. 

"What is your name?" she whispered. I almost didn't hear her. The halfling blinked several times and swallowed before answering.

"Drogo, m'lady, My name is Drogo Baggins of the Shire." 


	3. Then all of a sudden

Chapter Two: Then all of a sudden... 

Elrohir frowned. "_And what do you suppose we do with it?_" he asked. 

"_Him,_" Ancalimë corrected, "_Not it. Was he not made by Eru, just as we?_" They spoke in Elvish, for Cali and I had taken Drogo to Elrohir our captain to ask what should be done with him. It became clear, however, that we couldn't just return him to his home. 

The hobbit stood between us and Elrohir, not understanding but turning to us with wide eyes as we spoke. Every so often we would hear the quiet sound of him nibbling on the food we'd given him.

"_Even so,_" said Elrohir, "_What should we do? Mithrandir told us not to disturb the peace of these halflings, and here you have stolen one?"   
"He was lost in the woods!_" Cali replied, beginning to sound offended. "_We helped him! Mithrandir will understand. He is an Istari, after all._" Elrohir sighed again. I had never seen him frown so deeply as he did then. 

"_What do you propose we do?_" he said again, this time as a question rather than an exasperated statement. All were silent for several long minutes. Then a thought struck me.

"_Why don't we ask him?_" We looked at one another in silence for a moment and then watched as Cali knelt before Drogo. He looked again on her in wonder and before she could ask her question, he spoke.

"Are you elves?" Cali looked up at Elrohir, to me, and then back down at Drogo.   
"Yes we are," she said softly, giving him a curious look. The halfling smiled broadly. 

"You do exist!" he cried merrily, looking around at us. "My cousin has told us many tales of his adventures with elves, but no one ever believed him!" He looked right at Cali. "He said they were the most beautiful people he'd ever seen." I saw her face flush as if embarrassed and felt a sudden jealousy at the implication of his words. I knew that he had said it innocently enough, but I couldn't control my reaction. Cali was like a little sister to me and that necessarily meant that I was a little protective of her. However, she seemed more flattered than anything by his words and smiled back at him. "You don't suppose," Drogo continued, looking around himself as he did, "I couldn't spend the night with you, could I?" Cali looked up at me and I saw the hopeful look in her eyes. "I'm quite lost, you see, and I won't be able to find my way back until it's light out..."

"_We could show him the way back in the morning,_" said Cali, "_the others need never know we're here._"  
"_He does,_" said Elrohir, pointing to Drogo. "_He'll tell the others and they'll come into the woods looking for us._" He looked down at the halfling and sighed. "_We can't let him go back now. Not while we're still here. We'll have to keep him with us._" 

Later that night, as most were out on the borders of the forest on watch, a few of us, Cali and myself included, remained in the camp to watch Drogo. It was a beautiful clear night, and a few of us started singing. Cali and her friend Tyssa, who was also from Imladris, sang a song to Yavanna and we all listened in awed silence. To the rest of us it was beautiful, but to Drogo, it seemed almost a heavenly experience. He very literally saw us all as angels, the way we would look to the Maiar, or even the Valar. For a long time after their song ended, Drogo still sat with his eyes closed and a peaceful smile on his face. When he finally opened his eyes again, he looked up at us as if for the first time. He finally blinked, as if coming out of a wonderful dream. 

"Can I sing?" he asked softly. Cali in particular, was delighted at the idea and Tyssa also encouraged him. I was sitting a little way off watching it all and I smiled as Drogo volunteered to share a song with us. He stood, clasping his hands behind his back and began his simple tune.

__

I met an elf maiden fair,   
With eyes like jewels and raven hair,  
When I was lost in dark of night,  
She rescued me in the twilight

I asked if I could stay with her,  
And I was filled with awe and fear,  
As I had never met before  
The elves as told in Shire lore

So beautiful with eyes so bright,  
I see in them an inner light,  
She must have been sent from above  
And right away, I fall in love

I met an elf maiden fair,  
And I'll follow without a care,  
To leave my home and all my kin  
To spend my days with my maiden

The song went on for several more verses, but I didn't hear the rest, and neither did Cali. I saw the tears forming in her eyes as she listened to the little man pouring his heart out to her in song. She looked up to the stars to hide it from us, of course, but I'd seen it and so had Tyssa who put an arm around her friend. Drogo finally finished his song and several who had been listening, oblivious to the real meaning of his words, applauded the halfling and he sat down again, his face a deep scarlet. Another elf, Cuinan, began his song as Cali got up and headed alone into the woods. I got up and followed her.

I stayed a distance away from her at first, not sure exactly why she had left the circle. I looked back and saw that Drogo was sitting with Tyssa and the two were talking quietly. I saw Cali not too far into the trees, struggling to keep from crying. My heart went out to her and so I went in and hugged her. But I had misunderstood. I had thought that his words had hurt her in some way, but when she looked up at me she was smiling.

"Cali?" I asked. For the first time since we'd met, I didn't know what she was thinking. Her smile widened as she tried to tell me what she was feeling.

"His song, it's...." She shook her head. "But he's a halfling, I could never..." She began pacing, sorting things out in her own head, only fragments of her thoughts being spoken aloud. "But then he said it himself...maybe we could...no, he'd never allow it..." then she stopped and looked at me. "Lindir? Do you think we could take him with us? To Imladris?"

"You're not serious," I said. "Mithrandir-"

"They already know about elves, Lindir, you heard him. You can't use that excuse again. And besides, he-" she stopped herself, not wanting to admit it to me. I of course knew what she was going to say anyway.

"He loves you," I said, "And you love him, don't you?" She looked down as if ashamed, and then very slowly I saw her smile again. 

"And you think that's bad?" she asked. I shook my head, and for a long time could not think of a response. 

"No," I said finally, "I think it's impossible. It will never work! You're too different."

"Nothing is impossible if you want it badly enough," she whispered. I sighed.  
"Fine. You go explain to Elrohir why we're bringing a hobbit to Imladris. I'll have no part of this." As I look back on this, I should have been more supportive of her at the time, but it was only because I cared for her that I had protested. I knew that this could only end with her getting hurt and I wanted to prevent that. As it turned out, however, I may have been part of the cause. She stared me down and then turned and left without a word.

Several hours later I heard that Elrohir had agreed to bring the halfling to Imladris. I didn't hear it from Cali, though, but from Tyssa. Cali, she said, was also leaving but there was no mention of the reason why she was going, even though Tyssa and I both knew it. The next morning Cali and her team left the woods, without even a goodbye. 


	4. If Fish Could Fly With Eagles

Chapter Three: If Fish Could Fly With Eagles... 

"Not even a word? That doesn't sound like her at all!" Tyssa and I were sitting together later that morning discussing the change in our friend. Neither of us could understand her recent behavior. "And you have no idea why she did that?" I didn't answer. I didn't want to betray a confidence even if it was to another friend. She wouldn't have any of it though. "Lindir, what are you not telling me?" she said in a scolding voice. I avoided her eyes. "Lindir?" I finally looked at her and sighed. She is her friend after all.

"I think she's in love with him." She looked at me with a shocked smile.  
"With the halfling?" I nodded. "You- you didn't tell Elrohir, did you?"   
"Are you kidding? She's already mad at me, I don't especially want her to hate me." That did it. She crossed her arms and began her interrogation.

"Lindir, what did you do?" I shook my head and stood, but I knew avoiding her was useless. "I'm waiting," I heard behind me. 

"I kind of...disapproved. I told her that she was wrong." Tyssa nodded with a sarcastic grin.

"Oh, yeah- that's what I would have done."  
"Ty..."  
"You're supposed to be her friend, Lindir, not her commander!"   
"I am her friend!" I said, trying to defend myself. "Drogo is a mortal, and Cali is not. And I'm sure you're aware of what happens when those two mix." Her smile faded slightly and I knew I'd won. "I'm worried about her, that's all." She nodded slowly.

"I've known Cali a lot longer than you have, Lindir," she said soberly, "and one thing I've learned is that she knows how to take care of herself."  
"I hope you're right," I said. "I've seen what happens when these things go wrong."

A week later our replacements arrived and so we were sent back to our homes. I was to return to Mirkwood with my kin and report to Thranduil, but I decided to return to Imladris with Tyssa and her brother Hallath. We were all anxious to see how the halfling was managing and most of all, to talk with Cali. I had been to Rivendell several times before as an emissary of the woodland realm, but this would be my first actual 'visit'. We arrived close to sundown and were greeted at the gates by Arwen. Every time I see her I am sharply reminded of Lúthien Tinuviel, and a pang of sorrow would creep into my heart. I would always force a smile, however and somehow I always managed one. 

"Father is waiting for you in the Council chamber," she said cordially. We bowed to her and she led us up the leaf-strewn walkway to the open-air chamber in the main house. I remember thinking how strange it was that there was no hint of the halfling's presence and I wondered where Cali was.

We arrived in the council room and saw Elrond sitting in his chair surrounded by several aides. They stood as we entered and nodded to us. 

"You may go, _yeldënya_," he said. Arwen nodded and left the room. "Lindir, Tyssa, please," he motioned to nearby chairs. It was only then that I noticed the rest of our party had stayed behind. I could not even remember them leaving us and felt a slight confusion at their absence.

"If this is about our report-" I started, but Elrond raised a hand.  
"No need. Elrohir had already briefed me when he arrived several days ago." One of his aides began offering us a variety of drinks, which we politely took. "No, I called you here to talk about Ancalimë." I took a deep breath and wondered anxiously what he meant by that. I looked to Tyssa and saw the same uneasiness in her. "I hear you had an argument?" It took me a moment to realize that the question had been directed at me. I found myself wondering suspiciously who he had heard this from.

"That's right. It wasn't anything serious," I said carefully, not sure where he was going with his query. 

"About the halfling," he said. I nodded. "How would you describe her feelings towards him?" he asked. I was beginning to see where this line of questioning was going and I didn't like it one bit. Fortunately this time Tyssa spoke up. "She has always adored the halflings," she said. "I think she is overjoyed to be able to meet one of them." Elrond nodded slowly.

"I see." He sighed and took a sip of his drink. "Well, it looks like the halfling is staying here for the time being. We're not sure for how long, possibly until the Shire is deemed safe enough for us to withdraw from the woods." Tyssa nodded beside me. She was happy about it, although Elrond looked troubled, as if he read from my responses what was really going on. "We should all try to make the halfling feel welcome," he said, almost as if he expected otherwise. We nodded and stood and he dismissed us. 

"I'll show you to the guest rooms," said Tyssa as we were heading back down the stairs. I stopped her. 

"Didn't that seem a little unusual to you?" I asked. She shook her head.

"No... he said he'd already received a report from Elrohir. What more did you want to say?" I shook my head and shrugged, continuing down the stairs. 

"I don't know, it's just. I got an odd feeling from him, that's all. It's like he knows or suspects something else is going on." We reached the bottom of the stairs and she began to lead me to the guestrooms. I stopped. "I think I'm going to go find Cali," I said. "I've got to talk to her." And I knew just where she'd be.

The stars were shining brightly above when I arrived at the waterfall. Cali was sitting there just as I'd predicted, with a sleeping hobbit in her lap. I couldn't help but smile as I watched. She was looking down at him and playing with his curly hair as he dozed. I walked up the slope as quietly as I could so as not to wake him. Cali looked up and put a finger to her lips to keep me quiet. I sat down next to her and studied the hobbit's cherub-like face before whispering to her.

"Cali, I'm sorry," I said softly. She smiled at me.  
"It's already forgotten," she said. "You know I can't stay angry at you for long." She looked around her at the view and let out a peaceful sigh. "Rivendell is so much different when you are showing it to someone who has never seen it." She looked at me again. "You really should get to know him, Lindir. He's so sweet." I looked down at the sleeping bundle.

"He looks like a child," I said carefully. I didn't want to start another argument. 

"I know he looks small, but..." I could see she was having trouble describing her thoughts to me and waited patiently. "Hobbits may seem simple to us, but they aren't children at all. There's something very special in the Shire, I just know it. I understand now why Mithrandir wanted them left alone." 

"There is something about them, isn't there?" I said, "They have a different air about them than we do. I suppose that's why they fascinate us so much. They have something that we don't and could never possess ourselves." She looked at me with curiosity and said exactly what I wanted her to say.

"What's that?"  
"Mortality." She looked down at Drogo as I spoke. "It's something that separates us from them, but we don't even understand what it is. Ilúvatar made us different for a purpose, Cali, and it is not for us to wonder why."

"Why are you saying this, Lindir?" she said, and I heard in her voice the beginnings of hurt. The last thing I wanted was to push the issue, but I had to say it.

"I just spoke with Elrond," I said. "I think he suspects what I already know to be true. You have to be careful; he was asking many hard questions about you and Drogo." I saw a fleeting sadness cross over her face and I moved closer, resting a hand on her shoulder. "I won't tell him anything, Cali, but I won't lie to him either. You have to stop this before it starts." She was silent for several long moments, thinking about my words. She smiled softly. 

"I love him, Lindir." It was a statement; a declaration. There was no indecisiveness about it. "I'm not afraid to say it. I'll tell Elrond himself if I have to. I'm not one of his children. I don't care what he thinks." I stared into her eyes and she held my gaze boldly. I finally looked away with a chuckle. 

"You stubborn Noldo!" I said. She grinned. "Fine, have it your way, but I hope you know what you're doing." 


	5. The Way Things Were

Chapter Four: The Way Things Were 

The first years Drogo lived in Rivendell were some of the happiest of Cali's life. She was always smiling, and sang and danced more than she ever had before. Drogo himself was full of life and enjoyed every new experience he was exposed to. The others doted on him constantly and even Elrond seemed to enjoy his company. 

I even found myself warming to him quickly and we had many long talks about elves and hobbits, histories, genealogies, legends, songs and many other subjects he seemed well versed in. I learned all I know of the nature of Hobbits from him, and he in turn learned a great deal about Elvish lore and craft. Cali saw to that.

She would always be teaching him something. When he mastered Tengwar she taught him Runes. When he learned our songs, she taught him to dance. Drogo tirelessly took it all in and learned his new arts eagerly. I thought to myself that he simply loved the time with her and that what he learned was secondary. The only thing he refused to do was swim.

"Come on, Drogo, it's easy!" Cali called to him from the water. Cali, Tyssa, Hallath and I had taken Drogo to the pool at the bottom of the waterfall. We soon found that hobbits seemed to have a deeply ingrained fear of water. Drogo stood several feet from the edge of the water with crossed arms shaking his head.

"Come on in, Drogo, it's not deep," said Tyssa.   
"Not for you," Drogo said, "but if I go in there I'll drown!" The water actually came up to our waists, so I guess to Drogo it was fairly deep. Cali swam up to the shore and Drogo crouched in front of her.

"I would never let that happen, Drogo," she said in what Hallath and I referred to as her 'Drogo voice'. We grinned at each other. "But you don't have to if you don't want to."

Drogo ended up just watching as we swam for a few hours. It never ceased to amaze me that he could be quite content to just sit and do nothing for hours. When we left I saw that he had made several lengths of braided grass and flowers, which he presented to Cali.

And so Drogo's years in Imladris passed, each melding into the other and seeming to Cali as a blur of happiness. Very little did they outwardly show their affection for each other, and so it is difficult for me to recall any specific moments they had together. They were very private about it, and I think part of the reason for that was so that Elrond would not hear of it. Despite what she had said to me his opinion still mattered to her.

Around this time I finished the dagger I had been working on for the past few months. Laspis I called it and I always kept it with me after that. It was special for some reason, but I couldn't figure out why. I took it with me on every assignment and it saw quite a lot of use. 

After a few years Cali became anxious. She wished to go back out and help protect the lands as she used to. Drogo was not fond of the idea, but told her she should go if it made her happy. He, after all, could always find something to keep him occupied. 

She would go out in stints, no more than a month or two at a time so that she could see Drogo often. We weren't in the Shire, however, for this time we had been called to Mirkwood. I was glad of it, since it had been a long time since I'd been to my home. 

"Why don't you just move to Imladris, Lindir?" Cali asked one night as we sat around the campfire. We sat side by side just out of range of the firelight cleaning our weapons. 

"I do still have friends in Mirkwood," I said. Laspis was getting sharpened as I spoke. Around the campfire the others were singing, or having their own conversations. A little way off I saw Tyssa and Hallath playing a game. 

"No family?" said Cali. I froze. We had an unspoken agreement that the past was the past and it should stay that way. I was a Teleri and she was a Noldo. We both knew this. I looked up at her and saw that she just realized what she'd said. We sat in silence for a long time and we each went back to our tasks. 

I looked over several times at what she was doing until I had stopped my own work altogether and just watched her. I had never in all my years seen anyone treat their weapons as lovingly as she did. To others, weapons were mere tools, but to Cali they were almost an extension of herself. She handled them with the same care as another would to a delicate flower. After a moment she caught me staring and looked up.

"What?" she asked, slightly amused. "Jealous?" I grinned and looked away. For as long as I'd known her she'd always joked with me about our relationship. We were best friends, and we both knew it could never be anything more than that, but that didn't stop her from playing with it. 

"I know I could never tear you away from your swords, Cali," I said with an equal amount of sarcasm. "I'm surprised you don't sleep with them on."

"I used to..." she said. I laughed, but I heard a faint note of seriousness to her tone. When I looked up, she wasn't smiling. "Lindir," she said, "I never really told you about my family, did I?"

"And you don't need to," I said, attempting to change the subject.  
"But I do," she said. "No secrets, remember?" I sighed and shook my head.   
"Cali, I don't need to hear this-"

"I came from the house of Fëanor," she said, cutting me off. I fell silent, partly from the shock at what I was hearing and part from the realization that she had just bared her soul to me. All at once I remembered long ago in my childhood watching as my parents were slain defending the ships that we had helped to build. 

I remember it all very clearly. I had heard the shouting on the boats and saw the Noldor entering our city. Fights broke out all around me and I hid under a table in the market. I watched in horror as my own father fell lifeless in front of me. I then looked up and saw Fëanor, tall and proud, sail away on our white ships and leaving utter devastation in his wake. I looked now at Cali, one of his descendants, and could not bring myself to hate her. I kept my feelings to myself, struggling to control the bitterness and grief I felt stirring within me. 

"My parents were both born in the Blessed Realm," she continued. "They were just children when Fëanor stole the ships from the Mariners. They had nothing at all to do with it, and yet were doomed along with their kin by the Curse of Mandos." She was silent for a long time. It occurred to me to ask what had become of her parents, but I held back my questions, part of me not wanting to know. 

"It's not fair," I said instead, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You shouldn't have to pay for someone else's mistakes." _'I should know,'_ I thought in my heart, _'I paid dearly for them already.'_ Just then Tiranen came rushing through the trees. 

"Elladan says get ready," he announced. Everyone got up and grabbed their weapons.  
"What's going on?" I asked him.   
"Orcs on the Eastern borders. He thinks they mean to burn the forest." I swallowed hard and nodded. We were pretty far southeast of Thranduil's realm, but any threat to the forest was, to me, a personal one. I took a mental tally of my weapons as Cali came up beside me. 

"You ready?" I asked. She twirled her daggers in the air with a playful grin and looked at me.  
"Always." 

We arrived at the southern tip of the forest and saw that there was indeed an encampment of Orcs not far from the tree line. Orcs that bore torches. A few feet away I saw Elladan and Tiranen talking softly.

"What do you think?" I heard Cali whisper to me. Tyssa stood beside her and Hallath was talking with Elladan. I shook my head. 

"There's a lot of them," I said, "It's going to be tough. We have to keep them away from the trees." She nodded. Several of the others had taken out their bows and had them trained on the closer targets. I heard Cali unsheathe her swords. Just then Elladan spoke up.

"We take the entire camp," he said, "Any who flee are to be pursued. None make it back to the Black Lands to alert their Master." There was a cry of agreement from all present and we left the woods.

The battle was long and fierce. In all there were one hundred and fifty Orcs to about forty of us. None of us doubted the outcome, however, and we fought fearlessly. 

About an hour into the fight I was injured. I was fighting an Uruk when he struck me with his scimitar and broke my arm. I remember falling, almost in slow motion, and thinking to myself that it was over. I couldn't fight with one arm and I thought I would surely be slain. That was when Cali came towards me.

I lay on my side cradling my throbbing arm and watched as the blur of blue and silver that was Cali took down every orc that approached us. I had fought with her before and we had often trained and sparred together, but I had never actually watched her fight. Now that I could, I felt a profound sense of awe as I saw the swiftness and precision that she had and I almost lost myself in the beauty of it.

When the last orc fell she ran towards me. I instantly felt ashamed for getting hurt and having to let her rescue me. She didn't seem to notice and began looking me over for injuries. She lifted me up by the arm and I cried out in pain.  
"Your arm?"  
"Yeah, it's broken," I said, lifting myself up with my good arm. She helped me to my feet and that's when I noticed my sprained ankle. She grabbed hold of me before I fell.

"Lindir, I have to get you to a healer," she said as she helped me limp back to the forest. 


	6. The Death of Joy

Chapter Five: The Death of Joy 

We found the others a few minutes later and were immediately made to sit and wait to be seen by one of the healers. Thranduil had been alerted to the incident and had sent some of his people to help. My friend Ganya was one of them and he was the one who treated us. 

"Well, well, Lindir," I heard behind me. I turned to see my friend looking at me with a grin. "It's about time I found you!" We had been through many battles together, and I hadn't seen him since I'd left the Northern Kingdom before Cali met Drogo. He looked me up and down, then looked to Cali and back at me.

"Now I understand why you've been away so long!" he said. Cali chuckled and I shook my head and laughed.   
"It's not what you think, Ganya," I said. I then held up my arm for his inspection. He carefully took my elbow and lifted up my arm, which was now swollen and purple. 

"Hmmm," he said. "Is that it? And here I thought you were hurt!" I leaned down and exposed my equally swollen ankle. He shook his head with a grin. "And what about you?" he said, looking at Cali. She silently rolled up her sleeve and only then I saw the gash in her arm. Ganya nodded. "Not bad..." he trailed off as he began preparing for treatments. I had always loved Ganya's sense of humor, and his ability to lighten the mood even when it came to a serious injury. Only once before had I seen him frown, and that was many years ago. Unfortunately, it would not be the last time.

"That's the thing with you warrior types," he said, shaking his head as he went through his things, "you go out and get yourselves hurt, then expect me to fix you!" I nodded.

"Yeah," I said with mock seriousness, "sooner rather than later, this is really starting to hurt." He nodded and laughed as he prepared a splint.

"So Lindir, you still haven't introduced me to your friend who is 'not what I think'," he said as he strapped the splint to my arm. 

"Ancalimë," she said, cutting off any response I might have had. She smiled sweetly at me and Ganya grinned.  
"I like her already!" 

We stayed in Mirkwood for close to a week before the healers would allow us to go. Cali was anxious to return to Imladris and to Drogo. I was to head North and finally return to my home, but again I didn't. I went with Cali. Ganya came too, saying something about 'observing the patient', but I knew him. What he really meant was 'observing the beautiful Noldo'. 

We had just crossed the mountains and were walking through the forest within sight of Rivendell when I finally talked to him about it. 

"Ganya, I know what you're thinking." He looked over at me with a questioning look. "Cali?" I said. He smiled. 

"Lindir, she's very beautiful, but she's attached." I nodded.   
"She told you about the Halfling?"   
"Halfling? What do you mean?" I sighed. Obviously she hadn't told him.  
"Nothing." We walked in silence for several minutes. Or rather, he walked and I limped. "Besides," I broke the silence, "What about your wife?" He shook his head sadly and I instantly wished to take back my words. 

"Linwëlin isn't coming back," he said quietly. "It has been over a hundred years, Lindir." He paused before looking at me, the pain still showing in his eyes. "I don't think I will ever marry again." I nodded and we walked the rest of the way in silence.

We reached the gates and watched as Drogo greeted Cali warmly. He ran up to her and she caught him in a hug. I lost myself in the warm little moment and was dragged out of it by a chuckle beside me from Ganya. 

"Oh," he said with a grin, "The halfling." I looked back at Cali and froze. Several others did too. It was the first time she ever kissed Drogo publicly. I knew, of course, that they kissed quite often, but always in private and never in front of others. A momentary hush went through those assembled but quickly passed as everyone went back to their tasks. I thanked the Valar that Elrond had been occupied elsewhere. 

The next few weeks were pretty uneventful. I busied myself with jobs here and there and helped out in any way I could. Elrond actually approached me around then and asked if I would stay. I smiled, remembering a similar invitation from Cali, but politely declined. My home, after all, was with the Sindar. Elrond smiled and told me that one day I would ask of him if I could stay.

It was late in autumn of that year and I was on my way to see Elrohir when it all changed. I passed by Cali's room on my way to see him and heard something that made me stop. It was sobbing. I froze and listened as my heart began to ache. The door was open a crack and so, against my better judgement I looked in. 

Cali was sitting cross-legged on a cushion on the floor with Drogo sitting across from her. He held one of her hands and stroked it gently, almost reverently. Her other hand was wiping the steady stream of tears from her face.

"You must understand, my love," he said. I had to strain my ears to hear his whispers. "I love you so very much, but I must go. My own land calls to me, and my family must be so worried. I cannot stay here forever." Cali's shoulders shook with sobs and I felt my own throat tighten at his words. So this was it then, I thought irrationally, this is how mortals are. A part of me said that I knew this would happen, and that I had tried to warn Cali of it, but I ignored it. It would not do to have such thoughts and accidentally say them out loud.

"But Drogo," she said in a quivering voice, "I need you...please don't leave me." She leaned in and kissed him, and then hugged him, and they cried together. I felt a tear on my own cheek and quickly wiped it away and went outside. 

The cool evening air helped to stay any further tears and allowed me to compose myself before another should see and wonder. No matter how hard I tried, however, I couldn't get the sound of Cali's heartbreaking voice out of my head. I sat down on the cool stone and clutched at my chest as I felt what I knew was only a fraction of the heartbreak that Cali must be feeling at that same moment. As much as I didn't want to admit it, Drogo's presence had grown on me in the past years and I would miss him if he went. Not nearly as much as Cali and perhaps some of the others, but I too would be sad to see him leave. Very slowly, I picked myself up and went on to see Elrohir. 

Cali, I think was afraid to tell me. It was several days later when she did. I hugged her and let her cry on my shoulder and offered her soothing words. She then told me that Elrond had agreed that Drogo could go, since there had been no sign of fell creatures near the Shire for almost a year. The Elves were withdrawing. 

"Could you..." she said, composing herself, "Could you come with me? When I take him back?" I reached out and brushed the hair from her face and wiped a tear from her cheek.  
"Of course I will."

A week later we left. Everyone came to see Drogo off. I remember seeing Tyssa in the crowd wiping away tears as she waved goodbye and Elrond giving his farewell speech, but what I remember most was the heaviness at heart that everyone showed at the halfling's leaving. Everyone had grown to love him and wished he could stay. Not too many knew of his relationship to Cali, but of course, that would soon change. 

It took almost a week to reach the Shire, for all three of us purposely walked slowly, trying to delay the final parting as long as possible. We had many fun times on the journey, but each one of them was dampened by what we all knew was coming. 

I'll never forget the day we came within sight of the Old Forest. The three of us had been merrily singing an after dinner song when the first trees poked out over the horizon. There was complete silence. It seemed that even the birds had stopped singing. We looked at one another and knew that this would be our last night together. The next time the sun would pass this way Cali and I would be leaving the forest alone. We made camp there for the night, and nobody spoke.

That evening was very quiet, save for the comforting crackle of the campfire. There were no songs, no grand tales. I think none of us wanted to say anything for fear of speaking of the end of the journey, but in doing so, that was all we could think about. I sat in front of the fire hugging one of my knees and playing idly with the grass under me. I looked up and saw Cali and Drogo sitting closely together with bowed heads. I wanted to say something, anything to lighten the mood. I could tell them that he could come back and visit, or that he could always change his mind and come back with us. But I knew it was a lie. I sighed and went back to studying the grass. 

The next morning dawned warm and hazy. The journey to the forest went so slowly as to almost be absurd. We ended up reaching the forest fairly early, however, and finally reached the western edge by nightfall. When the time for parting finally came I said my own farewells to Drogo and then distanced myself from them so they could be alone. I stayed within earshot, however, just in case.

"Goodbye, dearest," said Drogo. "I will try to come back to visit, and I know I will miss you terribly." There was a long pause before he continued. "Take this," he said. I turned and strained my eyes to see him handing her a silver pendant. Cali shook her head.  
"No..I can't…."   
"Please take it, my love," he said, "That way I'll have to come back to get it!" I hear a mixture of laughter and sadness from Cali. I watched Drogo fasten the pendant around Cali's neck and she kissed his cheek. She whispered something to him I didn't hear and watched him leave the woods. Neither of us ever spoke to him again.


	7. Limbo

Chapter Six: Limbo 

The next few days were some of the most difficult I'd ever had to endure. For Cali they were a hundred times worse. After the parting in the woods that day, I had to almost drag Cali out of the forest away from her beloved. We trudged along in silence, both of us feeling horrible for different reasons. Hers was a pain of emptiness, whereas mine was a pain of having to be the one to cause the emptiness. It had been my job to pull her away. That's why Elrond sent me. True, Cali had asked me to come, but before we left Elrond had summoned me and asked that, when the time came, I make sure Drogo stays and Cali comes back. I had never been given such a loathsome assignment.

When it grew dark, and it was time to camp for the night, Cali finally spoke. I had been so lost in my own thoughts that her words startled me.  
"I don't want to stop," she said. "Let's keep going." I nodded slowly. It was the first time since we'd left Drogo that she'd spoken, and as I looked into her eyes I was struck by the utter anguish and sorrow that dwelt there. I knew that look. I'd seen it in the eyes of Lúthien Tinuviel when Beren was sent away, I'd seen it in my sister's eyes when I had to tell her where our parents were. I didn't want to ever have to see it again. I turned away, and we kept walking.

That night we finally stopped. Cali was exhausted, not only physically from our long journey but emotionally as well. She still did not speak, however. As I looked at her I was reminded of my sister, Lailath, as she mourned for our parents. It had fallen on me to take care of her after their deaths and so I did everything I could for her. I didn't have time to grieve; I was too busy caring for her. As I looked on Cali then, I was thirty years old again, comforting her with nothing more than my presence.

I built a small fire and we ate our meal in silence. She ate slowly, almost absentmindedly. It was as if her body was performing the motions while her _fëa_ was elsewhere. When she finally finished she lay down to sleep, but I couldn't. I stayed up and watched as the fire smoldered and burnt out and watched as Cali slept, and for a while, escaped the horrible pain of loss. For her it wasn't that Drogo had left, but she mourned as if he had died. She knew in her heart she would never see him again and so the pain worsened with that reality.

When the eastern sky began to grow light, Cali started tossing in her sleep. I heard her muttering softly and protesting some vision she saw in her dreams. I knew immediately what those visions were and I reached over to shake her awake. Deep emeralds brimming with unshed tears looked up at me. We stared at each other for several long moments silently comforting each other with our gaze.

"You were dreaming of Drogo, weren't you?" She nodded and looked away.   
"I miss him so much, Lindir," she said softly. I hugged her tightly as she cried softly on my shoulder. "I wanted so much to keep him with me," she cried, "but I couldn't do it. I wanted to believe that he felt at home in Imladris, but he wasn't. Not really. He was still lost." I felt the beginnings of hope in my heart as she finally began to open up, if only slightly.

"I'm sure it would be the same if you were in his place," I said, trying to keep her talking. She looked up at me and I wiped away a tear from her cheek as I continued. "How long do you think you would last being stranded in the Shire? Would you be able to live there?"

"I would love it there." The merest hint of a smile began to tug at her lips.  
"Well, sure you would, for a while anyway. Sooner or later, however, you would miss Rivendell and have to leave, just as Drogo had to go back to his home." She considered my words for several moments and then nodded. 

"You're right. He had to go." She said the words, but I knew she didn't believe them. The wound was too fresh. 

The sun's light peaked over the horizon at that moment, bathing us in its soothing warmth. Cali turned towards it as the light hit her face and closed her eyes. Slowly, she began to smile. At last, the hope I sought for her recovery began to well up inside me and I too, found the ability to enjoy the dawn. 

Two days later we returned to Imladris. Everyone who saw us expressed their condolences to Cali and their sorrow at the departure of the Halfling. She spoke to no one, but headed for her home. Outside her door we hugged and she went in alone. I felt a sharp pang of worry for the brief moment I heard the door lock. I stood for several long moments staring at the door before turning to leave. That was when I saw Elrond standing down the hall, watching me. He simply nodded and left.

Several days went by and Cali still had not emerged from her room before the worry took hold. We all knew she needed her space, as anyone would after such a trauma, but I could no longer let her confine herself. I knocked on the door several times but received no answer. Tyssa repeatedly tried to talk with her, pleading with her to open the door, but to no avail. I finally decided on the fourth day that, if she didn't open the door I would.

I climbed the stairs to her home with a basket of food and knocked. After a long silence I knocked again, harder. Finally, not caring who heard me, I threatened to open the door myself. The lock was quietly slid back.

I opened the door slowly and then cautiously slid inside. Out of courtesy for her, I locked it again. When I looked around the room she wasn't there. Setting the basket down on the table I made my way to her bedroom where I found her curled up under the blankets. I went and knelt by her bed and caressed her cheek with my hand. She opened her eyes and frowned. 

"I brought you food, Cali," I said. She did not respond. "We're all worried about you," I pressed on, "why haven't you come out?" She held my gaze for several long moments before wordlessly turning away from me. I stared at her back, trying to figure out what I should do. I knew what she wanted - she would have me leave her alone so she could grieve in peace, but that was not how it was going to be. I loved her too much to allow her to mourn forever in seclusion while her concerned friends waited outside. 

"Well that's it, then," I said. I walked out over to her balcony and spotted Tyssa outside. I had asked her to wait there for me before I came up and was staring at the door expecting me to emerge any moment. She jumped in surprise as I called to her, not from the door, but from above. 

"You didn't break in, did you?" she said with concern.   
"No, she let me in, and now that I'm here I'm not leaving."  
"Is she alright?"  
"She's fine. I don't know how long this is going to take, so you'll have to bring up food for us while were in here." She nodded. "She's really upset," I said softly. She nodded.

"Well I would be too, in her place." We looked at each other in shared sympathy before she went off to report the news. I walked back inside and spotted Cali's favorite chair by the window. I went over to the bookcase, picked up the thickest volume I could find and sat. I was going nowhere.

Five months passed as I watched over her. After the first month she finally emerged from her bedroom. At first I had just left food in her room, finding an empty tray when I went in later to check on her. Then I decided to start leaving it outside the door. The next week it was down the hall, and within a month I had her sitting at the dining table. It was another month after that before she would speak to me. We were sitting at the table together one evening when she finally broke the silence. It startled me so much I actually bumped my knee on the underside of the table.

"Thank you," she said simply. She looked almost ashamed for speaking and quickly cast her eyes back down. I reached across the table and took one of her hands in mine.  
"You're welcome."

Soon after we began talking. Small talk at first, and then the conversations turned to Drogo. She talked on and on about their time together and the fun they had. She then usually went on to lament his leaving and to wonder aloud if he ever loved her in the first place. I would of course remind her that he worshiped the ground she walked on and that his leaving hurt him as much as her. 

In the middle of the fifth month King Thranduil sent for me. I refused the summons, but the herald would not leave without me. His Majesty 'demanded' my presence. So grudgingly, I went. I was just getting through to Cali and I loathed leaving her alone at such a critical time, but it could not be helped. I explained the situation as much as I could and vowed to be back as soon as I was able. She just nodded quietly and retreated to her room. I asked Tyssa to care for her though, and Cali let her in. 

Thranduil had wanted me to be part of an escort for one of his daughters to southern Mirkwood. I explained the situation he had taken me from in Imladris, but he shook his head and said 'let the Noldo deal with their own!' And so I went on my errand and took leave of him as soon as I was able. When I returned a month later, Cali was again withdrawn and Tyssa told me she had not spoken a word to her. I thanked her and resumed my post - with a bigger book. 

There was one morning that I will never forget. It was a little over a week after I returned from Mirkwood and I was standing on Cali's balcony watching as the sun began its long climb to blanket the world in its radiance. She walked up behind me so softly that I didn't at first hear her feet. She touched my arm and I looked at her, seeing something I did not recognize in her eyes. Something I couldn't name had changed while I was gone and I feared it was something terrible.  
She took my hand and slowly and hesitantly guided it to her stomach. It took me several long moments to realize what she had done. 

"Cali…" I couldn't believe it. I wanted to believe that I was wrong, that I had assumed something that wasn't true. But then I finally recognized the look in her eyes. It had seemed so strange to me at first since it had not been there in almost a year. I simply couldn't believe that I finally saw unbridled joy in those depths.

"I'm pregnant, Lindir," she said. Then, for the first time in seven months, she smiled. 


	8. The Birth of Love

Chapter Seven: The Birth of Love

Tyssa was the second to know. We were both so surprised that she had actually spoken that the news itself seemed almost an afterthought. It seemed to us that the joy she felt at the pregnancy had overridden her grief at the loss of Drogo. It was still there, just buried. 

It wasn't long before all of Imladris knew about it, but there was one very large problem. Most had assumed that I was the father. It took another month before the talk turned from 'Lindir's child' to 'the halfling's child'. There were still some that held firmly to the belief that the baby was mine, but I suspect it was merely because they did not wish to believe the alternative. 

The news had come swiftly to Elrond, and he soon arranged a meeting with Cali in her home. He sat her down and asked her straight out if the child was indeed Drogo's. When she confirmed it he sat back, sorting out the possible consequences of what that could mean. The room was silent for a long time as he meditated on the situation, but then he finally spoke.

"I see that this is a fate that was meant to be from the beginning, and that this child has come into being for a purpose." He sat in thoughtful silence for several more minutes before continuing. "What that purpose is I cannot tell, but I know that when the time comes, the child will be the only one capable of fulfilling the task." A heavy silence followed as his words were taken in. Even to this day as I write this I still do not understand his words, but I believe every one of them, and so did Cali. No one had ever dreamed that a child could come out of Cali and Drogo's relationship, but it made sense to all of us that there had to have been some greater purpose that was hidden from everyone. 

Two months later I was again called away. It had been ten months since our first return from the Shire, and we were all anxiously awaiting the arrival of the new baby. I pleaded with the herald to let me stay, but he was as stubborn as Thranduil, and so I had to leave. I then left in haste, hoping to make it back in time for your birth.

As it turned out, however, I returned to Imladris when you were a week old. I arrived in a violet twilight, and everything glowed with an ethereal light. I remember it vividly as being magical and dreamlike. Tyssa met me at the gates with a huge smile and quietly ushered me up to Cali's room. 

We entered quietly and found you asleep in your mother's arms. Cali looked up and smiled, pointing to a seat near her bed. I sat beside her and finally got my first look at you.  
At first I could hardly believe how small you were. You were less than half the size of an elf child but everything about you was perfect. Your head was covered in fine dark hair and your face, which was bright red and wrinkled, was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. I kept staring at your tiny hand opening and closing in your sleep. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch you, but was afraid that I would break you if I did. I was mesmerized with every detail and every move you made. I'm sure many moments passed as I looked at you, but it felt like hours. 

"Do you want to hold her, Lindir?" I thought I'd dreamed it. Did I want to hold you? Of course I did! I didn't speak, just nodded. Then I realized, as the absurdity hit me, that in all my years in Arda I had never learned how to hold an infant. After getting over my embarrassment and a bit of coaching from Tyssa, I at last had you in my arms.  
You weighed practically nothing. You began squirming the instant you were moved and I felt uncontrollable laughter inside me as your little hand closed around my thumb. Then you opened your eyes. "They're brown!" I said in surprise. Cali smiled sleepily.

"I guess there's no doubt now who the father is," said Tyssa. "She looks just like him." I nodded absently, still captivated by your eyes. I knew in that moment what Cali had meant when she described the first time she had looked into Drogo's eyes. They were so big and so dark, and I just fell into them. We continued to marvel at you for so long that I had lost track of the time and when Tyssa finally looked back over at Cali she was asleep. We grinned at each other. 

"So how did it go?" I asked quietly. Tyssa smiled.  
"There was no pain at all," she said. "She was so small that by the time the midwife arrived Mélanyë was already in the bed with her."  
"Mélanyë? Is that her name?" Tyssa nodded. I looked down at your perfect little face and smiled. "How appropriate." 

Your infancy was incredibly short. We were all surprised at how fast you grew. It seemed to us that you went to sleep one night an infant and the next day you were walking. Speech came somewhat slower, though, as you only began using sentences at around two years. Everyone enjoyed teaching you though!

Cali was overjoyed. She positively glowed with happiness and you became her whole world. She was as merry as she had been when Drogo had lived with us. Many believed that it was you who had saved her. After Drogo left, nothing could reach through her grief, but you did. We all have you to thank for her pulling through that difficult time. 

Early on, Cali had decided that telling Drogo of your birth would only cause him to feel obligated to return to Imladris. She knew him well enough for that and so she decided not to tell him. Not yet anyway.

"Maybe one day when she's older," she told me, "but I could never lay this burden on him. He left because he missed his home. If he knew we had a child, he would always miss his home. He would never be happy again." As we talked you slept soundly in her arms and I looked down at you as she spoke. I couldn't imagine how he could not be happy here if he saw such a beautiful child. As I looked on your perfect little face, I couldn't imagine myself ever being sad or depressed ever again with you there. Even when you were that small, you had completed me- I became a whole person the day you were born, even though I didn't understand the feeling. I couldn't imagine ever leaving Imladris again, and so at last I decided to seek out Elrond.

I walked into his study as he was poring over one of his ancient volumes, probably something salvaged from Numenor or Gondolin, but he did not look up as I approached. He smiled though, and spoke as if I had been standing with him for the past hour. "Isn't it amazing how things just work out to their appointed end?" he said. Confused, I looked over his shoulder to what he was reading and saw that it was, in fact, a volume from ancient Numenor. He was reading genealogies of the past kings, and I couldn't understand what that had to do with me. He looked up. 

"She's grown on you, hasn't she," he said, "The girl- Mélanyë. I can see it in your eyes." He closed the book and walked over to its space on the shelf. "You came here to ask me something, Lindir?" he said. I heard, rather than saw the grin on his face.   
"I want to stay in Imladris," I said plainly. He knew what I would say anyway, so there was no sense working up to my point. He replaced the book on the shelf and turned, this time his expression was almost unreadable. Not happy, yet not sad. 

"It is your fate to stay here, Lindir," he said. "But not for the reason that you would ask it." Reading the confusion on my face he softened his expression. "You may stay, Lindir." He came closer and placed a strong hand on my shoulder. "I already prepared a place for you." In a rare moment of levity, we laughed together. With that over, I prepared myself to inform Thranduil.

I went for a short visit, and when I entered the King's halls, Thranduil looked surprised to see me. He had been discussing something with his son, who sat in a chair next to him and stood as I entered.   
"Lindir," said the King, "It is a rare day indeed when you return without a summons. What brings you back to my halls?" He motioned for me to sit in the seat his son had emptied but I remained standing. They looked at each other and then back at me. "Is it not a common courtesy to sit when a seat is offered?" "I won't be staying, Your Majesty," I said. "I have come to tell you that I have decided to stay in Imladris." The prince looked up at me in surprise.

"I don't understand," he said. "You, of all people, deciding to live among the Noldor?" I nodded and smiled softly. I had known the King's younger son since he was a child. He'd always been very perceptive, but a bit critical. He knew as well as anyone where I had come from and why I had left, so it's understandable why he would react this way. I smiled at him.

"Yes, Legolas," I said. "I cannot stay angry at them forever. It was Fëanor's anger that was the undoing of the Noldor, so instead of more anger, should we not show them kindness and forgiveness?" There was silence, complete silence, before Thranduil spoke.

"You are right, Lindir. If we are to remain angry with them for their folly, how are we any better? You say you wish to live among them, and so I wish you luck." He stood and put his hands on my shoulders. "My fathers accepted you in your hour of need many years ago, and so I release you in the same way. You are always welcome in my realm for as long as it lasts. Farewell." I bade farewell to Legolas, and to my friends throughout the realm, promising to visit when I could. At last as I was leaving I took one last long look at the great Elven city before making my way back to the mountains and Imladris beyond.

For the next few years we watched as you grew. I spent as much time as I could with you, and so I became your guardian whenever Cali would be otherwise busy. This began to happen quite often as you got older, for she'd often go off on her own to think, or just have time to herself. I knew that Drogo had never left her thoughts, and that every time she looked at you she saw him. I just assumed that it was this that she was trying to reconcile and so I let her be. You were five years old when she finally let it out. She gathered us together, Tyssa, Hallath and myself, and told us her thoughts.

"I want to take Mélanyë to see it," she said, "to see the Shire. She should see it since she is from there." She looked around anxiously at her silent friends before continuing. "She is a hobbit after all, she deserves to know where she came from." We were all silent for several more minutes. Finally, Tyssa spoke.

"Cali," she said. "Could it be that you only want a chance to see Drogo again?" she asked. "Is it wise for you to go back to the Shire, so soon after losing him? It could be hurtfu l- to you and also to Mélanyë. Do you really want to risk that?" Cali cast her eyes down in thought, and then looked up again at her friends.

"You're right, Tyssa, I do want to see him, but I also want him to see her. He should know, even though I know he won't return with us." She paused and smiled. "But I do want Mélanyë to see the Shire at least once in her life." 

And so a small company set out for the Shire. Elrond had grudgingly agreed to the trip, but on the condition that one of his sons came along. It took nearly a week to get there since everywhere we would stop to rest you wanted to play. None of us minded, in fact we were somewhat encouraging of the delay. There was no reason to rush, and the lands we traveled through were lush and fair. When we finally reached the Shire it was almost sad, because we knew we'd be turning back soon. Cali was excited beyond words, however, and eagerly led us to the woods.

Cali, Tyssa and I took you to the edge of the trees and peered through. We had never seen the Shire in the day before and so we were all quite surprised at the number of hobbits out and about. The place was alive with them doing all sorts of tasks. 

Cali scanned the crowds anxiously searching for Drogo. At last her face lit up and she pointed you in the right direction. "There!" she said, "there he is!" You were so young you didn't understand what was going on, but smiled and clapped anyway. We all watched as Drogo stood over something in what seemed to be the town square. Then as he turned, we all saw what that something was. A very pregnant hobbit lass. The expression on Cali's face was heartbreaking. She looked as if she had just been punched in the stomach. She handed you over to Tyssa and then stumbled back through the woods. Tyssa gave me a worried look and I went after Cali. 

I found her a few metres away sobbing. I watched as she slowly collapsed to the ground and I rushed over, picking her up into my lap. She clutched at me as if I was a lifeline, as if I were the last thing keeping her in this world. I held her, begging desperately for her to stop. 

"Cali, stop this!" I commanded harshly. "You can't let yourself do this!" I took her roughly by the shoulders and forced her to look at me. "Think of your daughter." I said. That was the only thing that got through to her. The crying lessened and she actually looked me in the eye. "She needs her mother, Cali," I said. There was a long moment of silence while my words sunk in. 

"Ammë?" your small sweet voice cut through the silence like a ray of sunshine. I looked up and saw the fright on your delicate features. "Ammë, what's wrong?" Your lower lip quivered and I saw your eyes mist over. I realized then that you'd never seen anyone sad, much less your mother. It just didn't exist in your little world. _'How innocent that must be'_, I remember thinking.

"Oh, Mélanyë!" Cali cried out and extended her arms to you. You rushed in gladly and she cradled you closely to her. "I love you so much, Mélanyë!" Cali whispered into your hair, "you're all I have left of him now." You looked up at her with those big innocent eyes of yours.

"Who?" Cali paused, as if she was about to tell you, but then smiled and stroked your cheek instead.

"It doesn't matter, sweetheart," she said. She then stood and picked you up in her arms. You lay your head on her shoulder and flung your arms about her neck like you always did. "Come, Mélanyë, it's time to go home." I heard the pain in her voice, but thankfully, you didn't. She carried you out of the woods, and did not look back. 


	9. Of Love and Light

Chapter Eight: Of Love and Light 

The return trip to Imladris was as happy as the trip to the Shire. Cali had quickly hidden any hint of sadness from everyone, even though we all knew it was there. All except you of course, which I'm sure was her goal. All that mattered to her was that you were happy.

During the next few years you were taught your letters, notes and scales. Some of my fondest memories of this time were of listening to you learning our songs. Your small sweet voice somehow made all the old songs new and fresh, and even more beautiful. You were eight years old, and already you had enchanted me.

It was around this time that you met Jolonna. She had been living in a part of Rivendell away from us and had recently moved closer. Elrond had asked for her to be an emissary to the Dwarf Kingdom and wanted her to be close by during the planning.  
I wasn't surprised that you became friends with her so quickly, and I was happy that you got along so well, but I couldn't help feeling the way I did towards her. She was a Dwarf. I knew that, no matter how elvish she looked. I know that many Elves feel hostility towards Dwarves, but don't rightly know why. I did. I was there. 

When I came to Middle-Earth from the Blessed Realm I was no older than you are now. I found my way to Doriath and was welcomed by Thingol as one of his kin. I witnessed the recovery of the Silmaril by Beren and his marriage to Lúthien. I also witnessed the slaying of Thingol and the sacking of Menegroth at the hands of Dwarves. I had just lost my parents a few years before, and then my extended family was also slain. Suffice to say a hatred for Dwarves grew swiftly within me. I knew this young maid had absolutely nothing to do with that, but old prejudices die hard. I just avoided speaking with Jolonna and guarded my tongue in her presence.

You spent a lot of time with her, when she wasn't busy with Elrond. She was much older than you were, of course, but most of your friends are older than you anyway. Several months later she had to leave, and you were quite sad to see her go. I don't think you really understood why she went, but knew that it was something important. Norín was there, however, to help you get over your loss.

Norín was born a few months after you were. Since Cali was good friends with her mother Anja, it made sense that you two would grow up together. The two of you would often disappear together, only to be found several hours later digging in Elrond's garden, or playing games with the horses in the stables. Often we would have to separate the two of you for getting into so much mischief, but of course, the second you were reunited you'd be right back at it, uprooting flowers to see how they grow.

The summer of your tenth year we decided to take you camping. It was something Cali had always wanted to do with you and it seemed that you were finally old enough. Tyssa, Hallath and I came along, as well as Norín who got permission from her mother. 

We traveled to a nearby lake about half a day's journey from Rivendell. It was lined with trees and filled with fish with a gorgeous view of the sunset. We camped by the shore and lit a fire, which you and Norín were utterly fascinated by. We all decided it best not to show you how to make your own just yet. 

Cali had endless fun teaching you how to fish, which took almost a whole day. It was several hours before you would even touch the worm. After you learned how to, it was all you wanted to do. That accomplished, she tried to get you to swim. You would have none of it. 

Norín already knew how to swim and so was out in the water chasing fish and diving for rocks. You were led into the water up to your knees, but as soon as the water began to rise to your waist you ran back to shore. Apparently you had inherited your father's fear of water.

"Come in, Mélanyë," Cali called to you from the lake, "It's no different than a bath!" You sat yourself down by the shore and shook your head silently. Cali finally decided to let you be and swam instead with Norín and Tyssa.   
I watched from a few feet away as you sulked- knees up and bottom lip out. Even in such a dreadful mood you were the cutest thing I'd ever seen. Suddenly you jumped up onto your knees with a gasp. 

"What is it?" I asked. I'd thought you may have been stung by something, but instead you were looking intently into the water on the shore and pointing. "Look!!" you cried. I came closer and saw that you were pointing at a school of tiny silver fish feeding on the algae around the shore. You soon forgot all about your fear of water and began looking for other creatures in the water, all the time going deeper and deeper in. When you got too far you would again run back to the shore, but Cali winked at me. At least you had gone in by yourself.

That evening we all ate our meal while watching one of the most spectacular sunsets I ever remember seeing. Clouds had moved in during the day and partially hid the sun, causing every shade of blue, purple, pink and orange possible to present itself. The horizon began to darken to a deep purple when we heard the first thunder. 

The rain was small at first. A few drops here and there causing gentle ripples on the surface of the lake. At the first crack of thunder Hallath and I moved everything under the shelter of a low tree, including ourselves and all of you. Just as we got settled there was another loud rumble in the distance followed by a bright flash of lightning. You were already spooked by the thunder and hugging Cali tightly, but when you saw the lightning you were immediately in tears. She tried to comfort you as best as she could but you were absolutely terrified. Every rumble and boom in the distance began new waves of fright. Cali herself had always enjoyed thunderstorms, revelling in the magnificent display of the power of Manwë and Ulmo, but it was hard to enjoy it when you were so frightened. In the end, however, you cried yourself to sleep.

The storm continued on far into the night and Cali, desiring to walk with Tyssa in the rain, had left you with me. The thunder had died down, but the rain came down in heavy drops. There was the occasional rumble in the distance, but save for the sound of the rain on the leaves, all was quiet. It was dark also, for not only had the fire died out but the clouds had hidden the stars from us. It was all I could do to make out your small form in front of me. Norín, I knew, was a few feet beside you in her own peaceful dreams. She had fallen asleep in Tyssa's arms, watching the lightning dance across the sky. 

There was a sudden fierce crack of thunder that made even me jump in surprise. You woke immediately. I could only imagine the terror you felt in that moment- jolted awake by a loud terrifying sound, only to find yourself alone in pitch dark. The wailing was almost immediate. I took you in my arms as fast as I could and tried to soothe you before you woke Norín as well. You calmed down when you heard my voice. 

"Lindir? Where's ammë?" Your little voice was so high pitched with fear it was heartbreaking. You clutched at my arm as if you would fall without me and buried your face in my chest. "She went with Tyssa for a walk, _melda_," I said as I rocked you back and forth. You relaxed in my arms and I stroked your hair, hoping to lull you to sleep. Suddenly you tensed up again.

"But the wolves," you said suddenly, "There were wolves!"  
"What are you talking about?" We had never told you anything about wolves or any other dangerous creature. It was absurd that you would even know about such things. And a little frightening.   
"I saw them!"  
"In a dream?" You nodded frantically and I hugged you tighter. Just then Cali came running through the trees towards us.

"I heard crying, are you alright?" She took you from me and hugged you tight as you cried in her arms. Several minutes later you were asleep, and then I told Cali of your dream.  
"That doesn't make any sense, I never told her anything about wolves. How would she know about them?" I shook my head. We had all agreed to not tell you of what we do, of the need to protect our land and of the evils that dwelt in Middle Earth. Cali had wanted to keep your hobbit innocence with you as long as possible, but it seemed at that moment an impossibility. Somehow you had found out, and it would soon be time to explain.

The next morning dawned clear and fresh. The clouds had moved on and the birds were singing from every tree. You woke and remembered nothing of your dream or the terror of the night before. Explanations seemed to have been put off for now. 

That day we were finally able to coax you into the water. Little by little you walked in holding Cali's hand. When the water reached your shoulders she picked you up and gently lay you in the water, as if she were putting you in the bath. You began to squirm in protest, but soon you were under the water and you finally saw that it wasn't so bad after all. You were soon being taught how to hold your breath and to swim on your own. 

Everyone was amazed at how fast you picked it up. It wasn't just swimming either. Everything you were taught you learned quickly, a trait you must have inherited from your father. By sunset that day you were swimming as if you'd known how all your life, laughing and giggling the whole time.

I too had been swimming most of the day, and by evening I was seeking out a place where I could rest and meditate. I found a spot a little way off from the camp by the shore and there I sat and began to center myself. All was quiet save for the gentle rippling of the water.

"Lindir?" I hadn't heard you approach, but I knew you were there; I could smell the wild berries on your hands.  
"Yes?" I said, attempting to not break my concentration.  
"I want to play."  
"So go play."  
"But I want to play with YOU!"  
"But I'm busy now."  
"What are you doing?"  
"Meditating."  
"No you aren't, you're talking!" I sighed. You were right, of course, my concentration had been broken the second I'd heard your voice. Nevertheless, I attempted to get it back. I had a few moments of silence before you'd had enough.

"Lindir?" I didn't answer. My goal was to show you that I really was busy and I wanted you to learn how to entertain yourself. Apparently, you're a quick study. "Lindir? Lindir? Lindir? Lindir? Lindir? Lindir? Lindir?"   
"WHAT?" I said finally. I allowed myself to laugh too. Several minutes had gone by and you were still calling me. I wanted to see how long it would take you to get tired of saying the same thing, but I was the one who got annoyed first. 

"I want to play," you said quietly. You wanted to look like I'd hurt you, but I saw the little grin that you didn't yet know how to hide. Then I got an idea.

"Mélanyë, come here." You flashed me a puzzled look but didn't move. "Come here, come on," I said. The little grin widened. I reached out and dragged you to me by the ankle, causing you to squeal in delight. "Now, sit." I said. I crossed your legs for you as mine were and held your hands in a comfortable position on your knees. 

"What are we doing?" you asked. "Shh...close your eyes," I said. "I want you to learn how to meditate." You turned your head around. 

"Why would I want to do that?" I turned your head back straight and sighed. "Because then you'll know how to be quiet." You turned around completely and sat. The lesson was apparently over.  
"But I don't want to be quiet, I want to play!" I sighed. The great Lindir, champion of the Teleri, defeated by a little halfling. I gave in.  
"All right," I said, "we'll go play!" You were immediately standing up and pulling me up off the ground. Before I knew it I was being led towards the camp, and whatever games you had in store for me.

We were out for a month, enjoying the outdoors and each other's company. Just as autumn began to hint at its arrival, we returned; some of us a little older, all a little wiser. 


	10. Meldanya Mélanyë

Chapter Nine: _Meldanya Mélanyë_

The years that followed were a time of change for all of us. We all watched in awe as in ten short years you grew from a child to an adult. A very small adult to be sure, but still matured. No one wanted to admit that you had grown up, and I think it was a source of great frustration for you. Most treated you as any elf of 20. Norín herself was still very small, and it was amazing to think that only a few years ago you were smaller than her. The changes caused a bit of tension between you and some of the other children, but never with Norín. When the others laughed and even taunted, she was right there to help you through it. It was as if she hadn't noticed the changes. Myself, I found them impossible to ignore.

As a child you had enchanted me. As an adult, I had fallen hopelessly in love. I didn't realize that it was happening until it was too late. I told myself over and over that you were just a child, my best friend's daughter, but my heart wouldn't listen. All I had to do was look at you and it was as if I was under a spell woven by your beauty. I had never felt this way about anyone before and it was almost as if I was the one who had changed. You didn't seem affected by it at all.

You were about eighteen when Cali first expressed her desire to return to the Wild. I had know it was coming for some time, but I didn't expect her to want to leave so soon. Cali had always been a very physical person and couldn't bear to stay in one place for too long. She wasn't truly happy unless she was doing something constructive. She also loved her job wholeheartedly- not the slaying of Orcs, but protecting others from them. The knowledge that she was ensuring the way of life for thousands of elves, hobbits and other peoples was what she thrived on. I think at this point she needed to feel that again, not only that she was protecting others, but also this time she would be protecting you. Unfortunately, that meant that she had to be away from you. 

"I'm going out next week," she said to me that Autumn. We were sitting by the waterfall as the sun began to set. You were in your bakery as usual- ever since you had discovered that place when you were twelve it was as if you'd never left it. In that way you were a lot like your mother. Once you found something you loved you had to do it all the time. It was like it was a part of you, and you couldn't be yourself if you weren't doing it. 

"What about Mélanyë?" That was all I could think to say. I knew there was no stopping her when her mind was made up about something, but I had to at least try.

"I want you to stay with her," she said. She turned to me and immediately began her defense. "I won't be gone for very long at a time, just a month or two. You could go out while I'm home. Do you not feel the need to go out as well?" I sighed and nodded. She was right. I too had wanted to return to the borders, but my desire to stay with you was stronger. Her plan seemed to take care of both needs. 

"What will you tell her?" She looked down at the ground beneath her feet and picked a small flower.   
"I don't know, I.." she said, more to herself than to me. "I guess I'll have to tell her what I do. What we do. And why we do it. It won't be easy." We sat for a long time together just staring into the falls.

"This view always reminds me of my home," I said finally, changing the subject. "My real home, I mean…in Aman," Cali looked to me with cautious interest. I rarely spoke of home since it usually stirred up unwanted memories in both of us. However, for whatever reason, I continued. "There was a waterfall just like this near my parents' home where I used to go. I'll never forget that place. The beaches were strewn with gems. Pearls were as commonplace as the rocks and seashells." I looked at her and saw a dreamy smile as she pictured it. "There was a pool at the bottom," I pointed down at the one beneath us, "just like this one, but far deeper. One of the Vanyar had brought a gem from Valmar- bigger than any I'd ever seen. It was filled with the light of Telperion, or so he said. I think it was one of Fëanor's early attempts at a Silmaril." I looked at her and smiled. "The gem was dropped into the bottom of the pool, filling it with its radiance."

"I wish I could have seen it," she said, and I saw a shadow pass over her face.  
"No you don't." My own heart had been filled with longing to see that great pool again, but I knew it was impossible. I had left in anger, and so I could never go back.

"Lindir-" She took a deep shuddering breath. "I'm so sorry...what they, what we did to you and your family.."  
"Cali, no, You weren't even born then," I said. "You're parents were no older than I was at the time. You had nothing to do with it."  
"It's no excuse," she said firmly. "I am a Noldo. My ancestors took part in it. I bear the blood of your parents as much as they did." I shook my head. 

"No…don't say such things," I told her. I wanted desperately to alleviate the terrible guilt I knew she carried over nothing more than the family she had been born into. I remembered that at the time when it happened, I wanted nothing more than to see the Noldor suffer as I had, but as I grew older I learned better. Harboring sadness and hatred accomplishes nothing more than to cause more hatred and more evil. Only in letting go of those feelings could I be free of it. That was why Mandos had cursed Fëanor and his sons. He knew they would never let go of their hate. 

"Lindir?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Do you miss your parents?"  
"Every day." We were silent for many moments and I watched as she twirled the flower between her fingers. "What about you? You never told me of your parents." Even as I said it I wished I hadn't. I remembered the sadness on her face when the subject had come up before and didn't wish to see that again. Nevertheless, she answered.

"They were slain." she said simply, almost coldly. I didn't pry, just let her say as much as she wanted. "I learned at a very young age what had happened at Alqualondë, and that my grandparents had participated. My parents, however, did not agree with Fëanor and his sons. They paid the price." She paused and I saw her draw a medallion from her pocket. "This jewel is all I have left of them." She held it up for me to see. It was the size of her palm and wrought of silver. As the sun hit its surface I saw that each marking was made of a separate gem. The light shone through it and projected the image onto her tunic. She hid it again after only a few moments. "It's the crest of a house that has dishonored itself," she said coldly. "There are days when I wish I wasn't one of them, but then I think of my parents, and…" 

I saw the tears on her cheeks and wiped them away with my hand. She looked up at me as I did, and then before I knew what I was doing, I kissed her. It was a very soft, sweet kiss, but for some reason I can't explain it felt very wrong. When we parted we both looked at each other as if we had just done some forbidden act. The truth was, I found out later, nearly all of Imladris was waiting for the day we would announce our marriage, but it would never be. We stared at each other for several awkward moments before I let out a nervous laugh.

"That was..."  
"Yeah." she smiled at me. "I don't know what's wrong, Lindir, I just...I just can't do it."  
"Me neither." She lay her head on my chest and we held each other for a long time. "I do love you," she said, "but not like this. The truth is," she paused and smiled at me, "I think you're already in love with someone." I was slightly confused, but happy that the awkwardness had passed.

"Who?" She grinned.  
"Don't act like you don't know," she said with a sly grin, "You can't lie to me." She slapped me playfully on the arm and got up to leave. She was almost down the slope when she turned. "Oh, and Lindir?" I looked up. "You have my blessing." With that she tossed two silver rings at me and left. I caught them and turned them over in my hands thoughtfully for several long moments. It wasn't until later that I figured out what she meant.

I found you and your mother in the bakery later that evening. I remember it all as if it had happened yesterday. You were making cookies and were covered with chocolate. Cali saw me and smiled.   
"Look, Mélanyë! Lindir brought you a gift!" You ran over to me eagerly as you always did and started searching my hands for the promised gift. In my left hand I still clutched the silver rings Cali had given me. 

"Oh Lindir, they're beautiful!" you cried as you looked them over. "but there's two..." Then your face lit up and I knew exactly what you were thinking. "Here," you said, "you keep one, and I'll keep the other!" Then you slipped one of the rings onto your finger and did the same to me. To this day it still amazes me how absolutely innocently you fulfilled the betrothal. You then kissed my cheek and ran off to finish your work. Cali stood beside me with a proud grin and crossed arms.  
"Cali, did you say-"  
"Not a word." she said.

We helped you with your work, to your delight, until you were finished. Then we took you back home, sat you down and explained to you that your ammë was a soldier trained to kill. At first you didn't understand. You didn't even know what that word meant. With no other way to explain it, Cali took you to the armory. The walls were covered with swords and bows, shields and coats of mail of all different sizes and styles. You looked around in awe and remarked on their beauty, but then Cali took a dagger down from the shelf. 

"What's that for?" you asked, so incredibly innocently. With a grim face Cali made a small cut in her hand. You watched, almost frozen for several long minutes before looking up at us with wide eyes. You had only just a few years before cut yourself for the first time in the kitchen. Before that you'd never seen blood or even known that it was possible to hurt yourself. As you stood then, watching the blood begin to drip from Cali's hand, tears fell from your eyes.

"These are yours?" you asked her. She nodded solemnly. "and you do this…to other people?" I quickly put a comforting hand on your shoulder and crouched beside you.  
"Not people,_ melda_, wolves and evil creatures." In your eyes I saw you try to sort out all this new and strange information. I could only imagine how hard this was for you to accept, that the two closest people to you in the world routinely caused pain in others. 

"But you must understand, Mélanyë, we do this to protect our home," said Cali. "If we weren't out there those wolves and goblins could come here and hurt us. It's important that we do this." You thought in silence for a long time as we tried to gauge your reaction. After a heavy silence, you spoke in a quivering voice. 

"But what if someday they hurt you?" Cali and I looked to each other, but neither of us could find words to answer you.

For the next few months the two of us gradually got back to our work. Cali would go out for a month or so, and then as she would come back I would go. The reason for this was that you would never be alone, but it seemed that was impossible. You had made so many friends, Norín, and also Elrohir, Elladan and Arwen to name a few, that you were always busy with something. Many times when I was home you barely had time to see me in the day. It was at night when we usually were together. 

The first time this happened was about a week after your mother first left. I was sitting in Cali's (now my) chair reading one night when you called to me from your room. You were supposed to be sleeping and I was there as always in case you needed me. I got up to see what it was and found you sitting up and clutching your blankets for dear life.   
"What is it?" I came to sit beside you and noticed that you were shaking in fear. You let go of the blankets and latched onto me as soon as I was near.

"Over there," you said, letting go with one hand just long enough to point into a shadow in the corner of your room. The stars illuminated most of the area around your bed, but the sky light in your roof was only so big and the corners were very dark. I could see the figure of something there, but it was hard to make out. As I watched, something on it shone in the starlight and at the same moment your hand tightened around my arm.

"Okay," I said, "Why don't I go see-"  
"No!" you cried, "The goblin will get you!" I couldn't help but chuckle. You had no idea what goblins even looked like. I kissed your hair and got up.  
"I doubt that, _melda_," I said and went over to the mysterious figure. I saw as I got closer that it was your jewelry box that you had left open. The shine I saw was a pair of silver earrings. I closed the box and sat beside you again. "You see? Nothing to be afraid of." I kissed your forehead and got up to leave, but your hands remained clamped around my arm.   
"Don't go," you said pathetically. How could I refuse such a plea? I ended up staying with you that night, and many nights afterwards. I held you in my arms until you fell asleep. Sometimes I would get up and read, others I would sleep also. I soon found that our nights together was as much a comfort for me as they were for you, and I came to look forward to them.

It was the summer of the next year when our scouts reported back with troubling news- wargs had been spotted near the Shire. The order was then given to resume our watch in the woods. I was called to go and so Cali stayed with you at home.

For some reason returning to that forest was very familiar and almost comforting to me. It was also sad, though, as memories of that day fifteen years ago, when we last saw Drogo through the trees began flooding back to me. I looked through the trees at the little town and wondered what he was doing then, and if he was with that young lass we saw with him. Her child would have been about fifteen years old and I wondered idly to myself if it was a half-brother or a half-sister you didn't know about.

I was in that forest for two months, but only once did we see wargs. They were few but strong, and only one had a rider. A scout. The Dark Lord, it seemed, was gathering information. I wondered uneasily why this was. 

It was near the end of the second month when I was getting ready to leave when something happened, something I'd never told anyone until now. It was the end of the day and twilight was setting in. All the hobbits were in their homes, save for a few who were out as usual. I was meditating in my favorite spot on the edge of the trees overlooking the Baranduin. I always enjoyed the sounds in that place- the leaves rustling in the gentle wind, the sound of the water against the bank, the occasional birdsong. This night I heard the sound of two hobbits talking and laughing as they sailed down the river in a small boat. I just let them blend in with the other sounds and continued my meditation. 

I was suddenly lurched back to reality minutes later when I heard a splash. I stood in alarm and looked around, seeing dark ripples in the water but no boat. As I watched the boat finally rocked into view confirming my fears- it was empty. 

"_HALLATH!_" I cried, hoping he was nearby. Without waiting for him to respond I ran down to the bank and dove in. The water was dark and incredibly cold. My breath was knocked out of me by the shock, which only deepened my fears. If I, a Teleri accustomed to cold water, was affected this much, how much more so a hobbit?

Not too far down, I saw them. One was struggling to surface, the other was still. I swam down to reach the closer hobbit and saw to my shock that it was Drogo. I grabbed hold of him as I saw Hallath come up behind me to grab the other hobbit.   
I finally surfaced and lifted the poor hobbit into the forest. He had lost consciousness on the way out of the water and wasn't breathing. Hallath came and laid the other hobbit next to Drogo- the hobbit lass we saw several years before. 

"She's dead," he said sadly. I shook my head, unable to believe how fast it had all happened. Drogo wasn't moving either. His face was pale and cold and I could feel no life in him at all. He was gone too. 

"We were too late," I said quietly. "It all happened so fast…one minute they were in the boat, the next," I looked up at Hallath and he frowned.   
"Should we tell her?" he asked after a long silence. I slowly shook my head.  
"It would only make things worse for her." We sat together mourning the passing of the two hobbits. After several hours we decided it best to just bury them. The only other option would be to put them back into the water, for we couldn't bring them to their families. They would have to find out another way. It was a sad decision, but it was the way it had to be. Then a thought hit me- what of their child? What would he or she do when they didn't come home? The only way I could even begin to understand the situation was to put you in it. What would you do if one day your mother never came home? I was almost sick at the thought. How would you even begin to deal with such pain, you who only recently discovered what that meant?

In the end we buried them together. Their graves were in a clearing just inside the woods marked with two large stones. After we paid our last respects we left, and told no one.


	11. The Day the World Stopped

Chapter Ten: The Day the World Stopped

I returned home shortly after the incident and deeply buried any hint of what had happened for fear of Cali reading it in my eyes. She could always tell what I was thinking even if I didn't know it myself. I apparently did a good job, for I was welcomed as I always was.   
Cali didn't go out right away this time. At first I was afraid that it was because she had in fact seen something in me, but I was wrong. The woods of the Shire had been quiet since I'd left, and there was no need for her to go until spring. Unfortunately this meant that when spring finally came, we would be going out together. This was the first time both of us had gone out together since before you were born.

"But ammë…" I saw tears in your eyes that you struggled to keep back. "I don't want you to go! I miss you so much when you go away!" She kissed your cheeks and hugged you.

"It'll be alright, _mela_," she said soothingly, "besides, you have both of us for the whole winter!" This brightened your mood a little, but time moved swiftly and soon the snow was melting and the frozen falls ran free again.

The day finally came when we were to leave. Cali had asked Elrohir to watch over you while we were away, but Elladan and Arwen had as much responsibility for you as he did. Arwen was your big sister. You looked up to her and tried as much as you could to be like her. She was of course flattered by your attention but she loved you even more than you loved her, if that were possible. 

And so we left you behind. There was a sad farewell as we left the gates, and you stood between Elrohir and Arwen watching us go. I saw Cali quickly wipe away a stray tear as we traveled away from you, but didn't say anything.

We did our job, but neither of our hearts were in it. It didn't hold the same thrill as it used to, not while we were constantly thinking of you and the sadness we caused by our leaving. We didn't speak of this with each other until one day when it finally came out. We had been eating lunch together in silence when Cali whispered something to herself.

"Did you say something Cali?" She sighed and looked at me. She stared for a long time and then looked back to the ground.  
"I shouldn't be here," she said. "How could I…leave her alone like this? I can't- but this is my job." She looked up at me again. "What to I do, Lindir? I love my daughter, but I love my job. I love this," she motioned around her at the camp. "The two don't fit together." I sighed.

"It seems pretty impossible," I said. "It's hard to have two commitments that don't agree with each other. They're pulling you in two different directions. Sooner or later you'll have to give one of them up." She shook her head.

"Give up my life?" she said wryly. "How could I do that? This is who I am, Lindir. I'm not a mother, I'm a fighter. But when I'm with Mélanyë…It's so hard! I can't choose!" She looked me in the eyes. "It's like being given a choice between losing your left arm or your right. You can't do it!" She stood and began pacing. "It's so frustrating! My life was so much simpler before I met Drogo, and yet, I can't imagine ever not meeting him." I sat and listened as she poured out her thoughts for me. Little did I know the danger I was in. I don't remember how, but we began to argue. It started out as suggestions of how she could have it both ways, but it ended up a debate over which was more important, you or her job. It pains me to write this, knowing that you will one day read it, but I have to tell the truth, no matter how much it will hurt. 

After almost an hour, I was totally frustrated with her. We had been talking in circles for the past twenty minutes, and all I wanted was to quit the discussion, but finally the argument pushed us to the breaking point. I had one moment of weakness that I would regret for the rest of my life.   
"Which do I choose?"  
"I can't tell you that, Cali,"  
"What would you choose?"  
"I don't know…You've been out here on the borders for so much longer, but-"  
"So you think that this is more important than my daughter?"  
"I didn't say that-"  
"But you meant it, is that right? You never approved of me and Drogo did you? What about Mélanyë? Do you approve of her?"  
"Of course I do, what I meant to say was that at the time you weren't ready to have a child."  
"So you think I'm a bad mother, is that it?"  
"Cali, no, I didn't-"  
"Just tell me, Lindir, tell me what you mean!" 

"You never should have been in this position in the first place, Cali, Mélanyë was a mistake!" I remember this moment very clearly, but at the time it happened so fast. I suppose it was because I spent the rest of my life going over it, trying to find out why I said what I did, but to this day, I still don't understand it. She gasped sharply and I saw fire flicker in her eyes.

"How dare you say such things about her!" she shouted at me. I was sure others had heard, and was feeling self conscious instantly. "She has brought nothing but joy to my life, and you would have it that she not exist?" She came within an inch of my face and whispered to me. "What about you, _Teleri_? You were the mistake! Fëanor was kind and spared the children of the mariners. Perhaps he should have finished the job!" I slapped her then, full on the face and as hard as I could. That was the one and only time I ever struck another Elf. I knew it hurt too, because she stumbled backwards. That, and my hand ached for hours afterwards. I realized with some shock that I actually hated her for those few moments. I decided in my irrational state that this was it- no more forgiveness. An invisible line had existed between us that held our friendship together and she had just crossed it. I turned and left her alone with her anger.

I went as far as I dared away from the camp so that I could be alone and think. I walked all the way around in a wide circle, going over the incident in my head and trying desperately to find a way to forgive. I didn't want to have these ugly feelings, but I just couldn't stop them. I felt almost dirty for having them. At last in my wandering I came to the western shore and I stopped dead in my tracks. Standing barefoot in the shallow water, was Cali. Apparently she'd had the same idea I'd had. 

I turned to go and leave her with her own thoughts, but for some reason I still haven't figured out to this day, I didn't. I stayed. When I did she turned, but she didn't see me hidden in the trees. She began to slowly walk towards me, looking down at the medallion as she turned it over in her hand. I didn't need to see it to know what it was.

She fingered it thoughtfully, and on her face I saw a deep sadness that somehow took me by surprise. It was only then that I realized that she felt as wretched about what had happened as I did. She came closer and closer until finally I could see the emblem clearly.

My eyes were again drawn to her face. I saw many emotions there that brewed just below the surface- sadness, regret, grief, hatred, and then finally, anger. In one fluid motion, she turned and launched the gem out into the ocean. I watched as it sailed up so far that even my eyes could not see where it landed. No one would ever find it again. Shoulders slumped in sorrow, she collapsed sobbing to the ground. I watched for several minutes until I turned away, unable to bear that heartbreaking sound any longer.

As I arrived back at the camp I found everyone up and rushing around. I saw with some trepidation that they were arming themselves. Hallath was about to pass by me and I stopped him by the arm.

"What's going on?"  
"Aëron saw Orcs about two kilometers from the Northern borders of the forest." He looked around him anxiously. "He thinks they mean to reach the halflings through the woods." I nodded and he went back to his work. On pure instinct I began to arm myself and I donned my mail shirt. Then a thought struck me, and it hit me like a punch in the stomach.

__

'Cali is unarmed...'

  
Instantly I dropped what I was doing and ran the distance to the shore. I stopped, looking around breathlessly at the ocean, but she was nowhere to be found. 

"Cali!" I cried, but there was no answer but my own voice echoing back at me. Cursing, I ran back, hoping that she had returned to camp. I found Tyssa strapping on her own weapons.

"Tyssa, have you seen Cali?"   
"She told me about what happened, Lindir. What makes you think you two are speaking again?" she said coldly. I hadn't realized that I may have jeopardized my friendship with her as well, she herself a Noldo. 

"Tyssa, this is serious! I can't find her and she's unarmed." Immediately her expression changed from scorn to worry. "We have to find her, Ty." Without a word she retrieved Cali's weapons. She handed me one of her swords and kept the other. 

"We'll split up. I'll tell the others to watch for her." She then took me by the shirt and spoke softly to me. "You had better pray she's okay."

We had been searching for only a few minutes when I heard the first clash of swords. All I could do was keep searching and hope I found her in time. I ran frantically through the trees calling her name, but heard no answer. Several times during my search I was attacked by Orcs and had to stop and fight them off. At last I reached my destination- the Eastern borders of the woods. 

Cali was standing there looking through the trees to the Shire. Clearly I saw the glistening tracks of tears streaking her cheeks as she watched the halflings below. I called to her, but either she didn't hear or she didn't care. I was about to go and get her when I saw the Uruk coming out of the trees behind her. 

The next few seconds became so long and slow that it felt like several hours or even a whole lifetime. I felt frozen in place, and I could only watch, unable to help, as the Uruk raised his scimitar. I stared in horror as he struck her down and she fell limp to the ground. In an agonizingly slow motion I raised my bow and fired. My heart sank as I saw the arrow hit the tree beside its head. The Uruk looked up. Fiery red eyes pierced into mine. To this day the image of that horrible face is burned into my memory. 

Before I realized what was happening he had crouched over Cali and taken her pendant in his huge clawed hands. In one motion he ripped it from her neck and disappeared southward into the woods.   
Then at once the heaviness lifted from me and I felt as one who had just been released from a spell. I ran to Cali and saw the blood slowly creeping across her chest. 

"Cali-"  
"I'm sorry," she whispered hoarsely. Her voice rasped as she spoke and my heart ached at the sound of it. "I'm sorry, Lindir, I didn't mean to hurt you..."  
"I know, Cali, it's over," I said to her as I assessed the damage. Her skin was pale and cold and I watched as her hands began shaking. I called for a healer, hoping that there was one close by.

"He took it," she continued, "He took Drogo's pendant..."  
"Cali, please," I said, caressing her face, "You need to save your strength."  
"Is it bad?"  
"No," I lied, "It's not." She nodded.

"Lindir, I'm so sorry," she repeated. She was having trouble breathing but she kept on. "I didn't mean it. Can you forgive me?" She couldn't get all the words out and started coughing. I cradled her head in my lap and forced her to look up at me. The whole front of her shirt was soaked dark with blood and I feared what would happen if she saw.

"Of course I can," I said, rubbing her cheek with my thumb, "It's over- forgotten." As I said this Ganya and a few others came out of the woods and ran towards us. I saw Ganya's face blanch as he looked on her, and then he got to work. Hallath was there also with a stricken look on his face. 

"Hallath!" He crouched beside me. "Tyssa is still looking for her, you need to go and get her." He nodded and ran back into the forest.

"_Lindir,_" Ganya said. I looked up at him. He had spoken in Silvan. "_What kind of weapon did this?_" Cali looked up at me in confusion. Ganya and I both knew she couldn't understand us. I looked down and saw pure fear in her eyes.

"_A scimitar,_" I told him, "_but it was different...a different shape than others I've seen._" Ganya nodded gravely. "_What is it?_"

"_The blade was poisoned, Lindir,_" he said. Cali didn't need to speak Silvan to hear the doom in his voice. I felt her tremble as he spoke. "_It's a kind I've never seen before. If I can't draw out all the venom..._" He left the sentence unfinished. We stared at one another for several moments as the realization of what he'd just said sunk in. He quickly went back to his work, but I continued to stare in disbelief. When I finally looked back down at Cali, she had lost consciousness. 


	12. Furious Angels

Chapter Eleven: Furious Angels

For hours Ganya and his healers worked on Cali. He did everything within his power to help her, but it soon became clear that it would not be enough. From where I sat a little way off from them as Ganya had ordered, I could see very little. I guessed that that was the point. At last I gave up trying to see what was going on and rested my head in my hands, giving in to my grief.

Several minutes later I felt a fist connect with the back of my head. I rolled with the punch and stood. It was Tyssa.  
"Why don't you just kill her now and get it over with?" she shouted at me. Hallath tried to hold her back but she shook him off.

"Tyssa, no, you don't understand..." She didn't listen and began punching and hitting me. I accepted the barrage and came closer, catching her wrists in my hands. She finally gave up and her whole body went limp. I caught her as she fell and began sobbing on my shoulder. Hallath sat down silently beside us. The sound of Tyssa's grief only deepened my own and we wept together, two friends mourning the possible loss of the third. No tears came from Hallath, however, and when I asked him about it later he said that he had been too shocked to grieve, and that he refused to believe that Cali could die like this.

The three of us sat together awaiting news of our friend's fate. At last, after several more hours, Ganya stood. The other healers I saw, were bandaging the wound as he approached us. We all stood.

"Is she alright?" Tyssa was the first to speak. Ganya looked on us with sympathy before answering.   
"She will heal," he said carefully.  
"But..." Hallath prodded.

"But I couldn't get all the poison," Ganya finished. "Perhaps if I had gotten here sooner, things might be different, but-"   
I know he went on, explaining what had happened, but I didn't hear. I felt as if my whole body had fallen numb, and I was momentarily cut off from the world and all my senses. The one thought going through my mind was that it was all my fault. I was there when she was struck down. I could have helped her but I didn't know how. However, I thought in my despair, if I hadn't gotten her angry in the first place, she wouldn't have come here alone, and she would have been armed and able to defend herself. I wished wryly for Tyssa to start hitting me again. I gradually came back to myself as Ganya's voice grabbed my attention. "...it may take days, months, or even several years, but eventually she will die." That was it then. I had killed her. It was all my fault. Slowly, Hallath turned away and went back to where we had been sitting. Ganya turned to me.   
"I am sorry," he said, "There is nothing more I can do." I hugged Tyssa as she wept bitterly on my shoulder. 

I looked over at Cali and saw that her face was ghostly white. She already looked dead, save for her slow, shallow breathing. Then, very gradually, like a pot of cold water beginning to boil, I felt the rage building inside me. I saw before me the horrible image of the Uruk that did this to her and the anger swelled. I decided in that moment that he would pay. I would find him and he would pay. I glanced over at Hallath and saw the same thoughts written darkly on his face also. He nodded to me. I looked to Tyssa.

"You coming?" I didn't have to say where; she already knew. She nodded and drew her sword, wiping away a tear with her sleeve. Hallath came over and drew his bow and together the three of us headed into the woods.

Of what happened next I remember very little. What I do know was that we somehow found the Orc's camp with the aid of Hallath's tracking skills. They were settled just outside the southern borders of the forest in a small camp of about forty Uruks. The three of us scanned the area, assessing the threat from inside the tree line.

Near the center of the camp I saw a large orc by the fire holding the small pendant. He held it up like a trophy and several others clambered to grab it. The larger orc barked something at the others and stood, tucking the precious pendant in a front pocket. Beside me I heard Tyssa whisper.  
"Lindir, isn't that-" I nodded slowly and her question died away. I drew my sword. The rage was now white-hot within me at the sight of that beautiful pendant in the beast's cursed paw. Tyssa and Hallath also drew their weapons.  
"None escape alive," I said. I pointed to Cali's attacker with my sword. "That one is mine."

The next hour was a blur of blood and steel. The only thing I remember clearly was watching those horrible red eyes close as the life drained out of my victim. I then searched him and held up the stolen pendant- mission accomplished; but my anger was not sated. I looked down at the dead orc at my feet and with one swift stroke I severed its head with my sword.   
We slew all forty Orcs that night, the three of us. Consumed by our anger and hatred none could touch us. We were ruthless and efficient, and in a very real way we became Orcs ourselves for that hour. I remember when it was over, Tyssa, Hallath and I regrouped, and only then did the reality of what we'd done set in. I looked around us at the camp, dead Orcs everywhere, and knew the truth- we had become no better than they were. I saw it also in Tyssa's eyes as she looked at the front of her tunic, stained black. Hallath spoke first.

"We should get cleaned up," he said, "head back to camp."

Morning was just dawning as we stumbled back into the camp. The three of us were exhausted from the fight and the long trek home. On the way back we had washed our clothes and our blades of the Orcs' blood. I remember cleaning the chain and pendant, stained black with blood, in the stream and thinking about how trivial it all was. We had just slaughtered forty Orcs to retrieve a small piece of silver barely worth a night's meal at an inn. I felt horrible for doing it, not because we had killed the Orcs, but because I knew that all three of us had enjoyed it.  
After we cleaned up, we made a pact. No one would know of our mission, not even Cali. But, as it turned out, there are always some stains that no amount of water can wipe away.

We split up when we got back, each going on to their own rest. I headed over to where Cali had been taken and fell to my knees beside her. She was sleeping, and I saw that some of the color had returned to her face. I took out the pendant from my pocket and carefully fastened it around her neck.  
"Look, Cali," I whispered, "I found your pendant." I kissed her forehead and only then saw the small smile on her face. She opened her eyes.

"Where was it?" she asked. I knew it was a loaded question. It was extremely difficult for me to keep anything from her, but at least I made a valliant effort.  
"In the woods," I said with every ounce of sincerity I owned. Her smile turned to a smirk and I knew I had failed.  
"Right," she said, "In the woods."

The next few days were terribly difficult for everyone. Ganya barely ever left Cali's side, and was deeply concerned as to the effect the poison would have on her. He said the wound itself was healing as it should, but Cali was extremely sick and had repeated seizures.   
Cali herself seemed to be in good spirits, considering. Tyssa spent much of her waking hours with her and I visited often as well. I spent most of my time with her asking forgiveness, which she laughed off and said "we're both to blame for it, Lindir. I should be begging your forgiveness."

Ganya kept her in the woods, saying it was too dangerous to move her until the wound had healed. Nevertheless, she became worried for you and at last sent me to Imladris. It was important that someone report our activities anyhow, and you would be worrying if we were so much as an hour late. So I went.

"I want you to stay with her, Lindir," Cali said to me when I went to see her. "I would feel much better knowing that you were there with her." I nodded and rose. "Lindir," Cali took my arm with a surprisingly strong grip and pulled me close to her. "Don't tell Mélanyë. I don't want her to know that her mother could d-" she stopped and struggled with the word. I nodded gravely and left.

My small company and I arrived in Imladris several days later. You were busy with Norín in the bakery and so Elrond was able to debrief me before the more difficult questions began. Elrond accepted the news with great sadness and Elrohir turned away and left the room. Elladan comforted his father with a hand on his shoulder.

"How could this have happened," Elrond said quietly. It wasn't a question, it was a lament. I had told him everything. The argument, the orc slaying, everything. Besides Tyssa, Hallath and myself, Elrond and his sons were the only ones who ever knew about it. At last he waved to me that I could go. I left his chambers, thinking that I could have a few moments to prepare myself before I spoke to you, when I ran right into you.

"Lindir?" I'll never forget that innocent look on your face. Tears sprang uncontrollably to my eyes and I looked away. "Lindir? Where's ammë?"

I wanted desperately to tell you the truth, but I had promised Cali. All the same I feared that if I so much as turned to look at you the truth would slip out faster than I could keep it from you. At last, gathering my courage, I turned. Quickly I knelt and hugged you so I wouldn't have to look into those innocent eyes of yours. I squeezed tightly and began to tell my tale.  
"She's alright, Mélanyë, She'll be home soon."


	13. Nothing Interesting Happened Today

Chapter Twelve: Nothing Interesting Happened Today

After I returned it was another five months until Cali was escorted back home. Those months, however, were not easy to endure. You, of course, missed your mother, but I had done my job well and you knew nothing of her injury. Unfortunately this meant that I had to suspend my own grief over the incident, for why would I be sad if nothing was wrong? 

The nights were worst of all. Even though I had told you that everything was okay, the nightmares still came. At first it was no more than once a week, but as time went on and Cali still hadn't returned, you began to worry, and I admit, so did I. After that your dreams became more frequent and more intense. 

During those times, as I held you while your nightmares took hold, I was slowly but surely consumed by my own guilt. I had plenty of time to reflect on my actions, the argument, my anger and the eventual orc slaying. But it wasn't just that, I also had to come to terms with the fact that I was the most likely cause of your nightmares. I had convinced myself that I must have let the truth slip out, even as I told the lie that I thought you believed. Why else would you be troubled with nightmares? How else could you know that something was wrong if I had not led you to believe otherwise? And there was one night when my suspicions were confirmed.

You had been jolted awake in the midst of one of your dreams, screaming for your mother. I tried desperately to calm you down, telling you that it was all just a dream, when you said it.

"Ammë was hurt! An orc hurt my ammë and now she's going to die!" I froze. I couldn't at first get over the accuracy of your words, but at the same time, I didn't want to let on that they were true. I again tried to calm you, but my words seemed hollow, even to me. From then on you were convinced that it was true and there was nothing I could say to change it. After that you did not sleep at all.

I hadn't noticed until the second night after that terrible dream. Only then did I realize that you hadn't had a bad dream since, but in reality, you simply hadn't slept. I looked down at you in my arms that night and saw you struggling to keep your eyes open. 

"What are you doing, _melda_?" I asked. "Why aren't you sleeping?" you looked up and only then did I really see how tired those eyes were. 

"I can't sleep," you said.

"But you need to sleep."

"You don't sleep."

"That's because both my ammë and my atar were elves," I reasoned. "Your Atar was a hobbit, and hobbits need sleep!"

"But I can't sleep!" I sighed. Just like your mother, you were skilled in talking in circles. I finally gave in and settled for a different approach. If I made you as comfortable as possible, you would fall asleep without even realizing it. 

When you were a baby, we quickly discovered that the easiest way to sooth you when you were fussing was to gently touch your face. Cali would only have to caress your forehead or run her fingers over your eyes and you were asleep within minutes. Fortunately the same was true even as you got older. It bought me an hour at the most, but at least you'd rested. 

When that night was finally over and you had gone back to your bakery I sought out Elrond. I told him about your nightmares and your refusal to sleep and asked if there was something he could do. He grinned and brought me to his study. He led me to one of his bookcases and began searching for something in a drawer. 

"I always keep many different herbs here that are rare and useful. Many are for sicknesses that don't affect us, but we have made many friends among men, and you never know when you may need them." He drew out a pouch and looked inside. "This I found when I was last in the south." He handed it to me. Inside was a collection of dried leaves. 

"What is it?"

"_sarchyn_," he said. "Add one leaf to a pot of tea and she'll be asleep within the hour."

It was a month after this when Cali finally returned. You saw her party arrive at the gates through your bakery window and rushed down to meet her. I came down from where I had been and saw her hug you as if she hadn't seen you in many years. The others she traveled with had brought their horses to the stables and brought their things to their homes and you were still there, hugging each other and weeping. Ganya spotted me and came to stand beside me.

"Ganya? I thought you would have gone home." He shook his head.

"She's still sick, Lindir," he said. "I can't leave her now." I looked to him, and then back at Cali.

"But she looks fine."

"Of course she does, her wound has healed. She will probably appear fine for quite a while, but she will always be sick." I looked at him in confusion, but saw the seriousness on his face. 

"What do you mean," I said, "how sick?" He sighed and appeared reluctant to tell me. He looked back at the merry meeting between Cali and her daughter before turning back to me. 

"It's the poison, Lindir, it will always be there." He saw the frown creep across my face and put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm not sure what effect it will have, but already we're seeing some symptoms. I can give her medicine that will slow its work, but I can't stop it." I looked back up at you and Cali. You had gotten up and were leading her up to your bakery.

"Does Cali know?"

"Yes." I turned to him and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Thank you, _mellon_," I said. "You've done all you can. You can go home if you wish, I'll take care of her now." He nodded hesitantly and reached into his pack, drawing out a pouch similar to the one Elrond had given me. Inside were dried flowers.

"She has to drink this every hour," he said, "When she's not sleeping."

"Sleeping?"

"She spends energy a lot faster than she used to. We've found that she must sleep at night to get it back." I nodded.

"Great, now that's two I'll have to put to bed!" The joke worked and Ganya chuckled, but it didn't lighten the mood. This caught me by surprise- usually it was Ganya who would be joking while others were saddened, but now he would barely crack a smile when a joke was told by another. 

That night the three of us had dinner together. Ganya came later after you had gone to bed. We sat together and told stories of what each of us had been doing for the past few months, trying very hard not to talk about the obvious subject. After several hours of this Cali had finally had enough. 

"I want to talk about this," she said. We had been discussing something else at the time, but for some reason as she said this we both knew what she meant. 

"Alright," said Ganya, "Let's talk." The room was silent. In the end no one spoke, for there was really nothing to say. 

Early the next morning he left, but not before giving me explicit instructions of how to treat Cali. He mounted his grey horse and looked down at me.

"I will come back in a year or two to check up on her. Those herbs should keep her until then."

"And if they don't?" 

"They grow in the south, near Isengard, if you need more." I nodded and bid him farewell. I then went back to Cali's home and began to make some tea. When it was ready, I entered your room and saw the two of you sleeping. You were curled up in your mother's arms and the two of you looked so peaceful and happy together. I set the tea down and sat, watching the two of you sleep as the sun rose through your window.


	14. One Moment of Perfect Happines

Chapter Thirteen: One Moment of Perfect Happiness

At first Cali was content to stay in Imladris and rest. Tyssa and Hallath had returned to Lothlorien and so you had her all to yourself. Much of her time was spent with you in the bakery or singing in the Hall of Fire. Those times, she told me, were some of the most peaceful for her during those years.

Cali had told you of her injury soon after returning home, but quickly explained that she had been healed. The tea, she said, kept her healthy. I think in a way you knew that she was really sick, but decided not to say anything. Just like your mother, it was difficult to keep anything from you. You had also grown so accustomed to Cali's being away for long periods of time that having her home this long seemed strange to you. It was as if you wouldn't let yourself believe it would last.

About a year and a half after Cali had returned home the tea Ganya had given me began to run low. I quickly began organizing a trip to the south to find more but, as I predicted, Cali soon heard of it. She immediately insisted on going herself.

"No," I said, a bit too quickly.

"No?" she was immediately on the defensive. "Am I a prisoner, Lindir?" I sighed, attempting to diffuse the tension I felt building in the air.

"Of course not," I said, "I just feel that you would be safer here."

"'Safer'?" she said. At first I braced myself for her to get angry, but then I saw her eyes smile and I relaxed. "Lindir, I'm not an invalid, I'm perfectly fine!" _'For now,'_ I couldn't help thinking. "And besides, we're going to Isengard! Not exactly the most dangerous place in Endor! It _is_ the home of an Istari, after all!" I finally gave in and allowed her to go, but she continued with her demands.

"Mélanyë is coming too."

"Ancalimë!"

"I'm not leaving her here alone, Lindir, I learned my lesson the last time." She smiled at me. "Besides, it would be nice to bring her with me for once. She's never been this far away from Imladris. I think she's old enough now." 

In the end it was just a small group who went- you and your mother, as well as Elrohir, Arwen and myself. Elrohir wanted to come for extra protection, but Arwen you begged to come. You had wanted to bring someone else with you but Norín was busy and so was not able to come along. Arwen was the next logical choice. 

The journey to Isengard took about a month. We rushed, since I was concerned that we may run out of the tea before we arrived. As it turned out we didn't, but we did get there much faster than expected. 

Cali wasn't nearly as concerned about the herbs as I was. She has been taking the tea as Ganya had ordered, and there had been no sign of the poison affecting her at all, so she began to think that there was nothing wrong with her. 

"I haven't felt sick since we left the woods," she told me as we were travelling, "I think I may be able to stop treatment altogether."

"Cali, no," I said, "Ganya told me that you will feel fine while you are treated. If you stop drinking the tea you will get sick again." 

"I'm not taking this for the rest of my life, Lindir," she said, "and besides, he said himself he didn't know how I'd be affected- maybe I really am better." I shook my head, but didn't know what to say. I knew she was wrong but I didn't know how to tell her without repeating myself. Instead we dropped the subject and she ran ahead to walk with you. Elrohir came up behind and walked beside me.

"You can tell her until you're hoarse, Lindir, it won't do any good," he said, "She's too strong willed."

"It's for her own good," I sighed, "I just hope she doesn't do anything before Ganya returns."

When we arrived at the Gap of Rohan the quest became more of a holiday. We set up camp close to the swift-flowing Isen with a view of Orthanc in the distance. The first thing was, of course, collecting the herbs. The small yellow and white flowers grew in abundance near the shores of the river in large patches. You and Arwen had lots of fun collecting the flowers and laughing together. Cali and I were at another patch collecting flowers as well when we were met by a visitor.

"_Mae Govannen, Híni Ilúvataro!"_ he said. 

__

"Alassë omentië , Curumo Istima!" I greeted the wizard. I had expected to meet Saruman so close to his dwelling, and so his sudden appearance was not surprising at all. I had met him only once many years before and he seemed a kindly old man, somewhat alike to Mithrandir. He looked around at our group.

"Out collecting herbs, I see," he said. Why so far from your homes? Not many elves live down here."

"We need these flowers that only grow here by the Isen," I told him. "For a treatment."

"Treatment?"

"A friend of mine was wounded in battle," I explained, feeling Cali's eyes on me. "We need these to treat her. The blade was poisoned."

"Oh, dear," he said, "a rare and powerful poison it must be for you to need these particular flowers," he said. "I was not aware that Mordor Orcs used poisons." I looked at him then. I don't know what it was, but I felt my guard go up. I hadn't mentioned who had injured Cali, much less where they had come from. I felt the hair on the back of my neck slowly rise.

"These Orcs weren't from Mordor," I said carefully, "they were strange. I've never seen them before." Saruman nodded.

"I see. I've heard rumor of strange Orcs in other lands as well. I am not sure where they are coming from." He looked thoughtful for a moment and then smiled. "Well," he said with a hand on my shoulder, "I do hope your friend gets better!" With that he left us. When he was out of sight I looked down and noticed with confusion that my hand had strayed to Laspis as we'd talked.

We stayed in that area for about two months, gathering herbs and enjoying the beauty of the area. After they were picked, the flowers were dried in the sun and then stored in our packs. By the time we were ready to leave we had enough to last Cali for many years. 

Her mood, I noticed, seemed much improved since she'd been away from Imladris. I knew she was beginning to feel as if she was being confined, and our trip south was like a release from prison. I hated the thought that I was likely one of her 'jailers' but it could not be helped. All we wanted was what was best for her, but she didn't seem to see it that way.

One day I decided to talk with her about it. It was a beautiful golden afternoon and she had gone off by herself and fallen asleep in the tall grass. You and Arwen were playing a game, running around and laughing while trying to catch Elrohir. I smiled and watched for a few minutes before walking over to sit beside Cali.

"Who's winning?" she asked without opening her eyes.

"It's hard to say- Elrohir is the faster runner, but it looks like he's letting them catch him." She smiled and opened her eyes.

"That's the point of the game, Lindir," she said. "How fun would it be if she never won? Mélanyë has no hope of ever catching up with him and he knows it."

"You're not concerned that he's giving her a false impression of her strength?" I asked. 

"I would be more concerned if he gave a false impression of her weaknesses," she replied as she sat up. "There's nothing wrong with relaxing the rules once in a while. Allowing a certain amount of freedom." I smiled.

"Why do I get the feeling we aren't talking about Mélanyë anymore?" She sighed and looked at me.

"I'm frustrated," she said. "I feel like I'm not allowed to do anything anymore!" She got up and began to walk. I followed. 

"It's not like that, Cali," I called after her. "There are plenty of things you can do to keep yourself occupied." She turned around and flashed me a hurt look.

"But I can never go back to the borders again, can I?" she said. There was a long moment when I was silent. It was true, but I didn't have the heart to say it. She could never go back. If Ganya was right, she would always be sick and she could never go back to the way she was. For several moments she looked on me with hope, but then turned away, reading the truth in my eyes as clearly as if I had spoken it aloud.

"I'm sorry, Cali," I said, placing a hand on her shoulder. I tried as best as I could to comfort her with those words, but they sounded hollow, even to me. She turned and hugged me, and I felt warm tears on my shoulder.


	15. Bittersweet Symphony

Chapter Fourteen: Bittersweet Symphony

After we all returned home, Cali slowly became more and more withdrawn, resigning herself to her life of confinement, as she called it. You must understand, however, that for anyone else, staying in Imladris would be no bad thing, but for her it was very much a jail sentence. All her life she had been able to go where she pleased and do what she wanted, but now she was tied down by her illness. Her only solace was in you. Your presence made her situation bearable.

In time she began to take up several trades, trying different things until she found something that she enjoyed. At first it was baking, since she valued every moment she had with you. After a while she began to take an interest in weaving, but that didn't last very long. The problem was it kept her sitting for long periods with a limited result. It took days for a finished product to appear- far too long for her taste. She finally settled on painting. She literally fell in love with the canvas. She told me that the only feeling better than creating a new painting was caring for you when you were young. It was like watching a child grow when she formed the picture, and it finally made her happy. 

Later that summer Ganya returned. I told him of our little outing to Isengard and my meeting with Saruman. He didn't seem at all surprised at my reaction to him.

"I've heard…rumors," he said in almost a whisper. "There is talk that the White Wizard may not be all he appears but," he leaned in close to me, "you didn't hear it from me." 

"Where did you hear it from?" I asked. He just smiled and went on his way to see Cali. 

We went on various outings so that Cali wouldn't feel confined. Some were just for the day, others for a week or more. Some would be just the three of us, others were a whole party of elves. One of these in particular stick out in my mind. 

We had camped just outside the forest on the western bank of the Bruinen and had a merry feast by the water. Many from Imladris had come and Tyssa and Hallath were visiting from Lorien, as well as Ganya who had stayed in Imladris since he had returned months before. Why had so many come? It was your thirty-third birthday.

You were presented with many wonderful gifts, including a new pony, Shani, from Elrond. Your mother saved her gift until last- a small bow of dark polished wood. I had of course known of the gift, but I didn't really approve. It was difficult for me to imagine you owning a weapon. 

From what I'd learned from Drogo a Hobbit becomes an adult in their thirty-third year, but the same is not true of an elf. The others it seemed, respected your age and began to treat you as a mature adult but in my eyes you were still very much a child. You were elated at the new status of course and gratefully accepted the bow from your mother. You revelled in the attention and praise you received as you easily picked up horseback riding, and wore the gown that Arwen had made for you. It was one of the happiest moments of your life, but I felt unable to enjoy it with you. It meant that you were no longer considered a child, and that I would be required to treat you that way.

In my heart I was sorrowful that we would rush away your innocence and celebrate something that should not have been for another seventeen years. I wondered how long it would be before Cali hinted at me that you were now of age to be married. I looked down at the thin silver band I still wore on my finger and sighed in my dispair. 

"Lindir?" I looked up and saw your eyes on me. I had been sitting alone as your party went on, lost in my own thoughts when I heard your voice. "Lindir? Why do you look so sad?" I looked at you and forced a smile on my face, but I did not see it reflected in yours. I sighed.

"I am sad, _melda_," I said, "I'm sad because you aren't a little girl anymore." You frowned for a moment and sat in thought, but then you hugged me.

"Don't worry, Lindir," you said, "I'll always be _your _little girl!"

A few days later most had returned to Imladris. A few stayed on, our group included, to enjoy the last weeks of Autumn. It was then that Cali decided to teach you how to shoot. 

"Now hold it steady," she said. She was crouched beside you as you aimed at an apple high up in a tree. "Try and hit it right in the center…" Just as she said this you released your arrow. We all watched as it hit the branch below the target that still swayed gently in the breeze. You groaned in exasperation.

"It's too hard! I can't do it," you cried. 

"That's closer than last time," Tyssa commented with a warm smile. You looked over to her with a mixture of a smile and a frown, as if you couldn't decide which you wanted. 

"That's okay, _mela_, you can try again," Cali said gently. "This is a skill that takes a long time to learn." You gave it several more tries, and each time missed the apple entirely. The last arrow just grazed the edge of the fruit and you threw down your bow in frustration. 

"I can't!" you cried.

"Yes you can," said Cali, "You almost hit it that time!" She tried to hug you but you avoided the embrace and walked off alone. Cali watched you go, with great sadness on her face. Tyssa went after you and so Cali and I were alone.

"I just wanted her to try-" she said numbly. I came close and hugged her.

"You want her to be who you are," I said diplomatically. "Mélanyë is not a fighter, Cali. If she doesn't want to learn to use weapons we shouldn't force her." She let me go and nodded, picking up the bow from the grass. 

"You're right, of course," she said. "I guess I just…I just want her to have what I had, but she's too much like her father."

"That's not such a bad thing, is it?" I said. She looked up at me and smiled.

"No it's not. She's a Hobbit. I should let her be a Hobbit." 

We journeyed back to Imladris later that week, as the frost had begun to appear earlier than usual. Cali mounted your bow on a plaque in your room for you so you could look at it and remember your party by the lake. Everyone went back to their tasks as usual and the sky darkened as the air grew cooler. For a reason I can't explain, a slow nagging feeling of dread began in my stomach as I watched the first flakes of snow fall from the chill sky. 


	16. Difficult Decisions

Chapter Fifteen: Difficult Decisions

Several months later, I was jolted out of my meditation by a loud crash. I had been sitting on the floor in Cali's home at the time and I immediately stood and rushed down the hall. You were away with Norín for the week and so the noise could only have come from Cali.

When I opened the door I was not prepared for what greeted me. Cali was laying on the floor hugging her knees, shaking violently. She had apparently fallen out of bed while reaching for the teapot on her night table. The crash I'd heard was the table falling over and the full pot of tea shattering on the floor. 

I rushed over to her and knelt beside her. It then occurred to me that I had no idea what to do. Ganya had gone to the south on an errand and would not return until the next day and so I could not call for help. All I could think to do was to stroke her damp hair until the seizure passed. As the shaking lessened she looked up at me with eyes wide with a mixture of pain, fear and regret. When she began to calm down I helped her back into bed and brought the blankets up tightly around her. 

"What were you doing, Cali," I said softly, "You haven't been taking the tea like you should, have you? Why was that pot full?" Her eyes avoided mine in shame. I sat with her in silence for a few minutes before heading to the kitchen, there preparing the fastest pot of tea I'd ever made. I headed back to her room and found her curled up on her side away from the door. I set the tea down on the floor and poured a cup for her.

"Drink this," I commanded.

"You drink it." I set the cup down and, grabbing her by the shoulders I forced her to sit up. I then handed the cup to her.

"You may not care about whether you live or die, but I do. Now drink!" Holding my eyes with a cold stare, she took the tea and drank. She then handed me the empty cup, slid back beneath the covers and turned away from me. I stayed with her, my hand on her back waiting for her to fall asleap. Instead I felt her body tremble at my touch. I looked over and saw that it was not another seizure- she was crying. I sighed and curled up with her, hugging her as she wept.

"I'm sorry, Lindir," she said softly. "I shouldn't be so hard on you. This isn't your fault." I didn't respond, but hugged her close and let her cry. "Lindir?" I had thought she was asleep, and I looked down at her face. "Why are you here?"

"What do you mean, Cali?"

"Why did you come here, to Middle-Earth?" I sighed heavily, as already the memories of so long ago began to stir.

"You don't want to know, Cali, and…I don't really want to say."

"Please tell me, Lindir," she prodded, "I want to know why one would forsake the deathless to live in such a place as this." I heard great bitterness in her voice and understood. Why would I leave a place where there were no Orcs or poisons or sickness to live here where those things were found in abundance? I sighed, and told my tale.

"Revenge." Cali struggled to turn and look up at me. "I never told anyone why I came here, not even Thingol or Thranduil," I continued. "They of course knew of the kinslaying and that my parents had been killed, but I never told them what had really happened.

"I was thirty when the Noldor tore through Alqualondë. At the time I was betrothed to marry when I came of age in my fiftieth year. Instead of under the wedding canopy, however, I spent my birthday under the sails of the ship that I had built in secret on the shores of my home. I left my sister, my family and the girl I would marry and sailed to Endor with the sole purpose of killing as many Noldor as I could. I knew it would most likely mean my own death as well, and so when I reached Middle-Earth I set my ship on fire as Fëanor had done, so that no others could use it to find the Blessed Realm.

"It took me several months to discover where many of the Noldor had settled. I was met by several Morquendi and Sindar, and they aided me if they could, for they too had little love for the Noldor. I finally had my chance several months after landing. 

I had discovered a place where several of the sons of Fëanor lived and watched their realm for weeks, trying to find the best time to attack. It was then that I saw two returning alone from a hunt.

"Without thinking I sprang and attacked them, but they were just boys and I overpowered them easily. I remember having them on the ground with my sword to their throats, and seeing the fear and confusion in their eyes. I realized then that they were just children. If I killed them how would I be any different from Fëanor himself? How would the slaying of every Noldor in Middle-Earth bring back my parents, or undo even one tear that Lailath had shed? I couldn't go through with it, for how could I live with myself if I did?

"I let them go and ran, for I knew they would raise alarm among their kin. I travelled for days and finally found my way to Menegroth and was welcomed by Thingol. I told my tale to Melian, the only other in Middle Earth who ever knew of the incident. I vowed to her that I would never shed the blood of another elf, to cause the same hurt among my kin as I had felt on the day I'd lost my family. I suppose, in a way, I found it in me to forgive the Noldor, but I will never forget." After I finished my story silence reigned in Cali's room as the information was absorbed. It occurred to me that my words may have hurt or angered her but instead she turned to me, embracing me in a tender hug. 

"Oh, Lindir," she said, "I wish I could undo your hurts, but I can't even undo mine! Alas that my grandparents ever listened to Fëanor's lies! Then I would have lived my life in a happier place." I hugged her back and whispered soothingly to her.

"You will see it one day, Cali, I promise."

Ganya returned the next day and I immediately told him of the episode the night before. He shook his head in sadness and turned away from me, setting down the pouch of dried flowers he'd collected.

"She's getting worse, Lindir," He said, a defeated look on his face. He walked over to the window and looked out. You were in the stables saddling Shani as you and your mother prepared to go riding. "I cannot reverse the poison, you know this." He turned back to me and met my eyes. "The end will come swiftly."

We met with Elrond and his sons soon after to discuss what should be done. Several courses of action were presented, but none with any hope of success. Finally, the one suggestion that everyone seemed to have avoided was spoken aloud.

"What of sending her to the Blessed Realm?" All fell silent and turned their eyes towards me, hoping that I might clarify my words. 

"That is possible," said Ganya. "She could travel to Lorien in the West to seek healing from Estë the gentle. If anyone can help her, it is the wife of Irmo."

"We don't yet know if that can be," said Elrond. "Long ago we sent Celebraín to the west." I saw sadness cross his face at the mention of his wife. "We still have no word whether she has arrived safely. Who is to say if Manwë Sulimo would permit even one of the Noldor to return to Valinor?"

"I'd like to take that chance." Every pair of eyes turned to the door where Cali stood. She walked in among us and looked everyone in the eyes, finally resting on Ganya. "I don't want Mélanyë to have to watch her mother die."

"But Cali, you could-" she looked at me and my words died on my lips. There would be no argument- she had decided. The meeting was adjourned with the setting of a time to depart for the shores of Endor. I walked with Cali from the Council chambers. 

"How will you tell Mélanyë?" I asked. She continued walking in silence for a moment and then stopped. 

"I will tell her. Alone. She will need to hear it from me." I nodded. She turned to leave but I took her arm.

"Cali," I said, "please don't do this." She considered my words before giving me a grim smile. She touched her heart and then cupped my face with her hand. I did the same. 

"I must, _mellon nin_. It is my fate to leave this place, I fear." With that she turned and left. I watched her go, unshed tears stinging my eyes.


	17. Journey to the West

Chapter Sixteen: Journey to the West

Cali told you that night. I was not there as I knew it would be a moment when you would need to be together, just the two of you. I went for a walk at sundown and did not return until the next morning. When I did I immediately went up to the bakery to see you, but you weren't there. 

"She said she didn't want to bake today," Norín told me when I asked where you were. "She looked so sad, I hope she's all right. Do you know what's wrong, Lindir?" I shook my head. Cali must have asked that you not tell anyone and so Norín had no idea. 

I walked back to your home and found Cali sitting on the floor. She rested her head on her knees and stared into the flame of a candle that was on the floor at her feet. I knew she was trying to meditate but her face was not peaceful, it was sorrowful. I went over and sat in front of her on the other side of the candle. She sighed.

"Am I doing the right thing, Lindir?" I stared into the flame for a long time and let my mind drift. I thought of all the possible answers I could give her and what she would say to each of them. I went through everything that could happen if she stayed or went, good and bad, possible and definite. 

"I don't know," was all I could come up with. She looked up at me, deep into my eyes, and I saw that hers were tired and darkened, filled with despair and regret. "You didn't sleep," I said. She looked back down at the candle.

"Neither did Mélanyë," She said. "She only just fell asleep an hour ago."

"She didn't take it very well?"

"She cried for six hours." I heard her voice quiver as she said it. I looked towards your bedroom door, trying to decide if I should go to you or not. More than anything I wanted to rush into your room and hold you until you were free of your sadness. At the same time however, I felt guilty that I had been the one to suggest that your mother leave. I looked back to Cali and found her staring at me.

"I'm sure she would be happy to see you."

Two years of speculation and whispered rumors passed after that day. No one had been told of Cali's plans, for we all thought it would be best to wait and avoid a panic. Also, Cali wanted to stay in her home with her friends and family for as long as possible. Ganya kept a close watch on her for that time and it was he who decided when she would leave. It was the summer of your thirty-eighth year. 

As expected, a wave of shock and dismay swept through Imladris at the news. Cali was loved by all who knew her and the thought of her leaving forever was not taken well. Some literally begged her to stay. It could not be, however for her condition had noticeably worsened over those two years. She'd had many more seizures and spent far more time sleeping than awake. It was time to go. 

A company was organized to escort Cali to the west. Many elves were in this company; some for protection, some for want of looking upon the Sea and others wishing to also take the grey ship. Among them were Tyssa and Hallath. 

They had left Lorien and headed for Imladris as soon as they'd heard the news. Before they'd arrived they had already made the decision to leave Middle-Earth with her. Cali tried to talk them out of it, saying that they should stay with their kin in Lorien, but they were adamant in their decision. 

I had already decided I would be staying behind. Long ago when I'd left the Blessed Realm I'd made that decision. My heart longed desparately to follow and return home, but I knew I could not. For you the decision had already been made. No one was willing to risk you on that ship. None of us knew what would happen on the journey, or if any of us would be permitted to set foot in Valinor at all. The fear of being stranded, returned or lost at sea was what kept you in Middle Earth. No one told you, but I think somehow you already knew.

The journey to the west was a slow one. We took our time, wanting to delay the final parting as long as possible. During this time I wrote a letter to my sister Lailath in Alquilondë. I told her of all that had happened since I'd left her. Well, not everything. That would have taken years to write out. I told her of Thingol and Melian, Beren and Lúthien, Thranduil, Legolas, Tyssa, Hallath, and of course you and Cali. I also apologized for leaving and begged her forgiveness. It was the longest, most sorrowful letter ever written, I suspect.

Cali's condition worsened on the road and by the end of the journey was being carried on a mat that Ganya had had made. You had never seen one seizure but you of course knew the gravity of your mother's illness. When they began carrying her you finally understood why it was she had to leave. I think in your heart you knew what would ultimately happen, but somehow tricked yourself into believing otherwise, or blocked it from your memory. 

We began to pass through the woods of the Shire as summer and autumn began to blend together. It was then that Elrohir and Elladan began to whisper to each other and look through the trees to the halflings below.

"Is something wrong?" I asked them. They looked at each other and then at me.

"No," said Elladan, "We are expecting a visitor later, after…" he nodded ahead to Cali.

"Our father told us that we would be taking a halfling home with us," said Elrohir. "The instructions were to wait here in the woods until the end of a large celebration." He pointed through the trees, "It looks like they're preparing now." I looked to where he was pointing and saw the hobbits scurrying about decorating trees and raising banners and tents. 

"Why have you not told anyone else about this?" I asked. Elrohir responded in a lowered tone.

"Our father did not want to cause a stir and get…certain people's hopes up." I frowned at him.

" 'Certain people'? You mean Cali, don't you?"

"He feared that she would wish to stay in Middle Earth if she knew." I looked ahead at Cali and frowned. At this point Cali was so sorrowful with the idea of leaving you, her friends and all her kin, that all she needed was one more reason to stay. The only reason for her to leave was not to seek healing, but to spare you the pain of losing your mother. Elrond knew as I did that if she heard of a 'halfling' coming to stay in Imladris, she would assume that it was Drogo. The disappointment that it wasn't him would most likely be her end. I nodded and clapped Elrohir on the shoulder.

"He feared right, _mellon_," I said. I gave one last look through the trees before running ahead to walk with you.


	18. Telda Namarië

Chapter Seventeen: _Telda Namarië_

That evening we arrived at the western shores. Many thoughts and emotions went through my mind at the sight of the sea and those grey ships. I felt an intense longing to go- to get on that ship and see my home and my sister again. I almost did too, but that would have meant leaving you alone. I couldn't bear to even think of that. 

The first thing was saying goodbye. Círdan would not allow anyone not making the journey onto the ships for fear that they would leave with the wrong passengers. Because of this, the goodbyes had to be on the dock.

Cali's friends said their farewells and bid her good health, she said goodbye to Elladan and Elrohir, charging them with your safety on the way home. I went over to her and tried to say goodbye, but when I opened my mouth she silenced me with her hand.

"Not goodbye, Lindir," she said. "I'll see you again." I knelt and hugged her so tight I was afraid I'd never let go. When we parted she took my hand and placed it over her heart. "I want you to take care of Mélanyë. She's yours now." I nodded and vowed to care for you, but she held fast my hand. "Lindir," she said, in an almost urgent tone, "I want you to stay with her. Always." I looked into her eyes and understood. I leaned down, kissed her forehead and left her. It was then time for her to say farewell to you.

Only you in all Middle Earth know what she said as she parted with you. I watched from a distance and saw many tears shed and long comforting embraces. She kissed you several times and wiped away your tears. Then she reached behind her neck and gave you the silver pendant of Drogo's, telling you again, I assume, the story she'd told you a hundred times, but that you never tire of hearing. She kissed you goodbye and then was lifted onto the waiting ship. You stood and watched, waving goodbye to your mother, waiting until she disappeared from view before dissolving into tears on the dock. Tyssa ran to you and held you as you cried.

It was then, at that strange moment when I decided to get on the ship. Not to leave, but to say a final farewell to my best friend. It may seem a little selfish of me to want to see her again when you, her own daughter could not, nevertheless I boarded the ship.

It took me several minutes to find out where she had been taken. One of the mariners pointed me towards the right door and I stood with my hand on the smooth wood for several minutes, asking myself why I had come. What would I say to her? In the end I put aside all of these thoughts and opened the door.

I found her her lying on the bed curled up on her side and clutching the blanket around herself as if she were cold. I had been there for her throughout her illness and was well aware of the extent of her injuries, but it was still hard to accept that it had come to this. She looked so small and frail and only in that moment did it hit me how sick she had really been. 

She looked up at me as I approached her and my heart grew heavier. Her eyes looked so dim, as if the light within them was fading. I saw her question in those depths before I heard it put into words.

"Lindir, can you stay with me?" In a second I was lying in the bed with her, hugging her close to me. She lay her head on my chest and cluched at my tunic and I tightened my hold on her, not wanting to ever let go. In my heart I knew this would be the last time I would see her, but my sadness deepened knowing that you had already said your final farewells to her. I imagined what you must be feeling at that moment and swiftly the memory of the loss of my own parents came to mind. How horrible it must have been for you.

As I was thinking I felt Cali begin to shake. She clutched at me tighter as the seizure took hold. Not knowing what to do I just held her. 

"Can I help?"

"Just hold me," she said in a quivering voice. After several minutes the seizure released her and she relaxed in my arms. "Talk to me, Lindir," she said softly.

"Talk about what?"

"Anything, just talk." She was still shaking but it was now no more than a slight tremor.

"Talk…well, how about I talk about Mélanyë?"

"Yes, talk to me about her." 

"She is… very beautiful," I began. I remember thinking that there was so much I could say about you that I couldn't possibly get it all out, but in reality I didn't know what to say. "She loves you very much," I went on. I watched as she began lazily playing with a button on my tunic and smiled. "She has a kind spirit, and brings joy to everyone who knows her." I paused for several minutes trying to think of something else to say. Then I noticed then that her hand had stilled. 

"You've stopped talking," she whispered. Her voice was so small now that she was hard to hear. I felt my throat tighten as the realization of what was happening hit me. I took her hand in mine and held her tighter, kissing her hair.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I don't know what else to say."

"Say you love me," she whispered. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I responded.

"I love you, Cali."

"I'm so tired, Lindir."

"That's okay, you go to sleep."

For the next hour I held her in my arms, listening as her breathing gradually slowed and then at last, stopped. I held onto her, rocking her back and forth as if I could bring her back by sheer force of will, or that my weak powers could overcome those of the Valar or the melodies of Iluvatar, composed before the world was made. But she was gone.

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, my heart began to break, like a slow crack working its way through a pane of glass. The realization that she would no longer be there when I needed to talk to her, that I couldn't hug her if I wanted to, or trade stories with her about when the world was young and evil had not yet come. 

Then I thought of you Mélanyë, how would I tell you? What would I be able to say that would ease the suffering that you would endure? Would I say that your mother travelled all this way to the western shores of Endor, purposing to sail to Valinor only to die on the edge of the journey? I knew how I would feel at the news and I wept, not for me or for Cali, but for you. I couldn't bear to tell you, to see the light in your eyes dimmed by the dreadful pain of loss.

I decided in that moment that you would never know. I had promised Cali I would care for you, watch over you, and this was my first decision towards that promise. You would see the ship leaving, carrying your mother to the Blessed Realm, and you would be left with the hope that she is there, living in peace and waiting for you to join her some day. Then you would be happy.

Ganya knocked softly and entered the room even as I continued to weep over her. He began to speak, to tell me that the ship would be leaving when he stopped and saw what was done. I carefully got up, laid her hands by her sides and went to stand beside him.

"She never would have survived the journey, Lindir," he said softly. "She was just too weak." We stood together in a silent moment of mourning. "What are you going to tell the girl?" he asked breaking the silence. I looked on Cali's peaceful face and answered.

"Nothing. She should never know."

I ascended to the main deck and walked over to the railing. I saw you there, standing in the shallow water and felt overcome by a wave of grief. I had to grab hold of the railing to keep from falling and struggled to stand before you saw me. It would not do for you to ask questions like 'Lindir, why are you so sad?" or, "Lindir, is ammë alright?" I'm not sure how I would have responded if you did. 

Taking a last deep breath of the cool sea air I turned and headed down the ramp. As I walked over to you I passed by Círdan and he stopped me.

"Is she alright?" he asked, nodding towards the ship. What could I say? You were close enough to hear any response I might have and so I hesitated to answer. In the end I simply shook my head and he understood perfectly. I continued on my way and stood behind you just as the ship began to push off from shore. I watched as it sailed, taking your mother's body farther and farther away, and for some reason I can't explain I felt peace. It occurred to me then that her death may have been for good. She was no longer suffering, as I know she had been every day since she was struck down in the forest. I managed a small smile at the thought, but it was little comfort for the pain of losing not only one but three best friends. 

I saw you raise your hand to the ship, bidding your mother farewell for the last time before she disappeared in the mist. Your small hopeful voice shattered my newfound peace and I felt my throat tighten with new tears. So innocent you were, how could I ever tell you? When would you ever be ready to hear what must one day be said about your mother?

Behind me, I heard the others making ready to depart. Suddenly the thought of Elrohir's words earlier came back to me. We would need to be there to greet the halfling. I gave one last long look into the distant west, bidding my own final farewell to Cali before bending low to whisper to you.

"We are leaving, Mélanyë."


	19. Epilogue

Epilogue:

Lindir sat back from his writing and let out a shaky sigh, wiping a small tear from his cheek. He looked around him at Mélanyë's room where he had sat writing for the past three weeks. Everything was as it had been, he realized, exactly. It had only been a few months since Ancalimë had taken that ship, and Mélanyë hadn't even been home since then. It would be difficult for her when she returned, and he would be there for her. 

He stood and walked over to a shelf by the window. It was a low shelf, and he smiled as he imagined her stretching to reach what was on it. He picked up the only item that had been placed on it and fingered it thoughtfully- the small silver ring. He looked down and saw its mate still on his finger.

_'You really had no idea,'_ he thought. _'How could I ever hold you to it? It's what your mother wanted, but I could never ask this of you.'_ He put the ring back on the shelf and sighed. _'Besides, you're far too young. I am even older than your mother…was. No, It can never be, no matter how much I might want it.'_

Just as he was finishing his thought he heard a commotion in the courtyard below. Many were gathering as the halfling and his niece arrived. Lindir looked through the window at Mélanyë and saw a smile on her face. She watched as the others greeted the halfling with excitement, but as she turned away he caught the frown that passed quickly over her features. He nodded and understood- she was still grieving. He watched as Elrohir greeted her and he turned to leave, concealing the old leather book on a high shelf that Mélanyë had never been able to reach. 

He walked down the stairs and entered the courtyard looking for her. He had just begun his search when he felt himself hugged by the very person he was looking for. He smiled and knelt down, hugging Mélanyë tight. She never knew in all her years after, why it was that he began to weep as he held her. He thought he'd concealed his sadness well but she knew. She'd heard him and wondered forever afterwards what could have made her friend cry as he saw her. When at last he let her go and looked on her she saw no tears to betray him, but that didn't mean they weren't there. He kissed her cheek and hugged her again, whispering into her ear, "Welcome home."

*** End of part two*** Mélanyë II will be posted soon…***


End file.
